"Defence for Murder"

Detesting and agitating seems to be the headlines of my blog this week.
Going through the papers as usual this morning and keeping track of nonoi's trial.

And it seems that the continuous crying of a baby or a toddler can constitutes to be a factor in provoking a murder.
Why? And how? Don't get it.
There is no threaten in whatsoever way.
Define the word provoke.
Can the stupid horning of the cars in the rush hour be counted to provoking a desire to wreck cars then?

Recognition?

AY pop a 'funny' Q to me.

Perhaps it was me not taking into considerations of what he had said before, for i took it to be a joke.
He had always told me to come back on saturdays and said will sponsor my transports n meals.
That was before.
Now? Out of voluntary and willingness and yes, the 'no choice' factor does exists, i have been in the office for all the saturdays in this month and still counting.

The Q he popped was, "how much i owe u".

"If others can do it, so can U"

This morning, i developed a detest for this sentence. A sentence commonly used to encourage and raise the confidence level and to push oneself or others to beyond limit.
Every one is different. Has different role to play in this world, in this society and within the family.
Strengths hugely diversify for everyone. We can all understand no one can be the same. Then, why the enforcement of if they can do it, so can i?
The whole idea is to have all diversity to come forward, to contribute differently and enhance or improve together.

It's kinda weird why i have this random thought from the news article of that sudden death of the young sports man.
But the comment from the forum today made me also understand, one is not disallowed to develop to the fullest of one's potential. But to be within limit. To have a BALANCE. Not over do it.
When there are no warning signs, it doesn't mean you are in the safe zone.
Fair enough, than how the hell we know when? Well, that will lies in your balancing and managing.
For the least, there has been prevention and precaution taken.

Same theory applies to all areas.
You have your place to stand somewhere and i have mine.

*and this brought me to another point, maybe, the general goal for all is the same. Money making?. Well but not every one priorities it the same way.
Yes. I do need bread. How much bread is enough then? No one knows. If you happen to read the ST for yesterday, there is a irony statistic figures shown about how satisfy the people are with their earning powers. One might have assume that the more one earns, the more satisfy one will be. Nope, you are wrong.
It wasn't a ascending order for people being satisfy with their earning powers from the lowest range of <10000>100000. It fluctuates between 40plus to 60plus % for all catergories. You can even find those earning lesser to be more satisfied.
Hence, to each of their own.
To have the happiness and satisfaction within one's limit, capabilities and abilities.
To be happy and enjoy.

Will one feel extreme scare when alone in the house, at 11.30pm and 12 midnite respectively, heard the howling of the stray dogs? And especially on the nite of the eve of 15th of THE month?

That was exactly what i was in. Alone in the house. Watching the telly. Suddenly the howling from the dogs outside will just make you shiver. The you read the time at 11.30. The howling lasted for more than mins.
Then when you thought that peace finally come, the second howling came shortly after midnite.

Whether they are good or bad...
I do not know...
I only know...
This seems like the worse 7mth i've ever come across.
None of this fear i had before this 7th mth.
For the very first time. The word 7th mth does hit me abit harder than before.

It was 9plus going 10.
Heavy downpour.
Way home was a quiet path near empty grass fields.
Journey of about 10mins.
Armed with an umbrella and battling with the strong winds and the umbrella can hardly shield one from the rain.
The least to be expected? Jingling of bells. Not once but twice.
And you are the only one walking on the path.

Late in the night.
Already sound asleep. Alone.
Then, a "hello" sound jotted you up.
Not opening the eyelids but fully aware that sleepyness has gone.
The sound was real and close.
Blanket was amazing not covering body.

I know it's 7th mth.

And i even know, i can't be afraid.

Attack of the "Piggies" Babies!!!

Roger's little princess.

Dai's cutie.

Jack's sweetie.

Snakie's elder sis's Jovan.

Michelle's darling.

B's frd's-Ah Dear's precious

Finally, snakie's Zavier.

Is it because it's 'that kinda time' or purely co-incidental?

It's pure amazment, astonishments, excitment and wonderful-ness of seeing the little sprout of life after months of incubation and nourishment.

Under the threat of harsh n hostile environment, defeat should not exist at all.

I have a summary of only ONE sentence to summaries the articles i've read from the newspapers for the past two months.

PLEASURE & PROFIT OF THE EXPENSES OF LIVES.

The former word targeting to the people who drowns themselves in fun and pleasure and not placing high pirority on their responsibilities towards themselves, the machine they are handling and the people around. Another word...immature.

The latter on the greed of people. Just look at how the world has mould us all into. Money minded. Money makes the world go round. Money really can't buy happiness mah? Without money...where shall the word bread fits in??? In order to fill in the bottomless pit, all sorts of ways and means are out to gain profit at all costs. Even losing one's self of morality.

Been real busy lately...but just had to have this article...

Can't get my engine to start.

Barely two weeks into the 3mths ordeal and i'm almost 90% drained.

It used to be mainly waiting for the time to come. But the mentality now is totally opposite.
Time is not enough.
To which at certain it seems good.
Some kind of fulfilment. Or rather some kind of dumb workaholic here.

Guess this coming sat there won't be any exceptions to stay at home.

*************************************

Mama has not given birth yet. hopefully the feeling will come soon to avoid the inducement.

I love my job.
I enjoy my work.
I adore my bosses.
I love interacting with my highly intellectual clients.

I'm making the office my first home.

-SATURDAY-

Back to the office as usual. Cleared 4 mths worth of closed files. Glad i did that. For the new gal came today to report work. Won't be nice if my files are still occupying the cupboard meant for her.

Not surprising as i was about to leave the office at 4plus, chicky was just preparing to leave house for the office.

Next destination was NTUC shopping for groceries. And the sotong me suddenly realised that it was the day i was supposed to head to the ICA to renew my passport. Anyway, it was too late for that. Chided my bro for not reminding me to for he was suppposed to acompany me for the trip.

-SUNDAY-

A good day.
Woke up to have a good breakfast prepared by B. *Yummy*
Was just complaining that B had not been preparing 'ai xin' breakfast a long time. And he said this kind of nice gesture must not be too often. Else, it's easily forgotten. Hmm...no wonder my breakfast has not been receiving thanks....haahaa...

Then it was off to ikea and giant to shop.
Finally got some of the stuffs i needed from ikea.

And i have a confession.

Dumb dumb B kept making fun of me. After we were done at ikea. The result was a huge plastic bag and when we got to giant, i had the bag placed inside the trolley.
We shopped for alot of stuffs man
ladder...softener...fruits...biscuits...juices...towels...
And we separeted our bills. B go first and me later.
But the sotong me...the ikea bag was blocking the view of the softener...not forgetting the bulky ladder which was kinda blocking the softener too...ended up, i forgot to take the softener out to pay...
B even asked if everthing was paid for and i replied YES!
While making our way out of the cashier area, only then he ask what happen to the softener.
He reprimaned me for having a 2plus worth of discount when i could jolly well placed the towel which costs almost 10 bucks at the ikea bag and bluffed it through.
Argh!!! not as if on purpose de mah...really forgot about the softener!!! =(

Even this morning while he walked me to the mrt, he still can't forget to make fun of me.
sigh.

But i have to say i enjoy my weekend. Amidst the heavy workload i have for this long period and which is draining alot of my energy. I cherish my rare get together time with B. Especially when he works most of the time during the weekends. Not that we don't spend much time together but the time for just simply going out and do something is really rare...in fact...this is like the 3rd time that he has shopped with me lor...
The other day he has me listed out what i think of him when missing him...n that's quite alot to list...
the cheeky funny faces he made...the look in his eyes...his hugz...his little gestures...his jokes...actually simply his presence made a big difference...

Came across this article and found it written quite nicely.
It was in chinese though.
Hope the meaning is not lost through my half bucket bilingual water.

It is said that one need's an education before having the capability of providing good upbringing to one. But what is the definition of goodupbringing? Every one's measurement is different. Because the standards that one is comparing with, it's against the ruler of one's inner self. There is no standard guideline. No strict right or wrong rules. Just whether is it morally justifiable or socially acceptable.

There is no such thing as the higher class or the lower class. Whether between the humans or even animals.
What should be taught and raised to importance is the respect not only for oneself but for others too.
Very often, man tends to be too focus and stubborn on small issues that does indeed deserves certain attention but it's still consider as incidentals over the fundamentals afterall.
One sees picture from one side and often neglect the fact that there could be a different view when see from the other.

There was this example quoted...
A dog lover refuses to chain his dog for his views were dogs ought to be treated equally as humans. Hence, this action results in one of his frd who greatly fear dogs, stood frightenedly on a corner when at his place.
For the dog lovers out there...some sees nothing wrong.
There were others who thinks that the owner is indeed not showing respect for his friends.
Respect for the dog but not for the friends?

Just like, you would'nt chain a kid who bites? Isn't it?

I was amused when reading it halfway through the article.

Makes me feel that, people really are narrow minded and couldn't differ what's truly respect and having the so-called human rights.

A little sad post here...

The happy stuff first.
Yesterday spent the first National Day with B and his family, watching the parade on the telly and celebrating Elvis's 8th birthday.
Dinner was mainly 'zi-char' with some other dishes prepared by B's mum and himself.
Felt alittle overwhelmed by the 'qi-fun' because still not quite used to the usual rowdiness of a family given that i'm mostly used to being just myself. Plus playing with the kids, makes me felt so old.

Then i realised, the only remembrance of a birthday cake that was given and celebrated by my dad was my 8th birthday. And that was the last of it.

I remember it was a chocolate cake.

Funny how the feeling that was being evoked by some memories.

I was mad with him for many years.

But on many ocassions, i felt sad for him.

When will it be ever enough for me to make it up to him?

The time lost is permanent.

Busy is an understatement.
B was saying no matter how much hours i put in...i'm still working lesser hours than he is...
Well, true enough...averagely if i leave office at slightly after 7, it only amounts to 45 hours in a week.
Fact is...these days, my earliest record is at 7. More than half of week is close to 8 or 830.
Even so my work is not completed to my standard.
Including the saturday i'm adding in now.
Think B has to eat his words.

Guess only chicky will understand the plight i'm in.

Stack put aside for the next day's agenda? By lunch time, not even half of the stack was completed.
Stupid files snowballing and snowballing.

With the intention of chillin out and listening to a great band was what kept me going on and can't wait for the knock off time on friday.
However, the night didn't turn out as it was as planned.
Chicky and i met up after work, had some tea with her colleagues as well before making our way to Orchard.
Then we settled at Border's cafe for some light dinner and chit chatting, till we willing to move our butt to Orchard Hotel, Ballymoons.
Disappointment filled me upon reaching the place when i realised my bro and his friends had no choice but to choose another place to hang out as they couldn't get a table. It was crowded lor.
Not wanting to hang at the Orchard Hotel / Tower area for long, chicky and i quickly flee the place before we want others to mistaken us. Haahaa...well, that's the last time i guess both of us were to be seen there.
Didn't really fancy the area. If it's not because of the band, i guess i won't have agreed in the first place.

Anyway, things turned out good though. In the end we settled for a movie at Shaw.
=) I've finaly found someone who likes Donnie Yen as much as i do. lolx...
Flash Point was the movie we caught.
Pretty much the usual police and thieves story. Very much exaggerated moves.
However, the choreography of the fightings were great. It's nice de lor...very real fighting and almost no stuntman was used de lor.
No regrets for the night. Am a happy gal. Haahaa...

Tired. Can't get enough of sleep lately.

Well, not only this, can't seem to have enough of vit B too...

Told B last night that i'm finding time is not enough. Not enough time to give him the endless hugs which i wanna give...

Getting intoxicated here...and i love it.

Thank you B.

I understand that you do not want to poison me too much in case i rake up a huge fuss again, throwing my stupid dumbo tantrums. But still can't resists and make the effort in spending time on me.
A spoilt piggy here but am learning to be better.
Oh dear...
*super indulging in B's embrace ~~~*mind wandering off~~

Thank goodness workload ain't heavy. phew~~

********************************

Went down to Minz's 21st BD chalet last night.
The usual bbq-ing. The chit chatting.
Wonders is it that Boon so silly to the extent of having plans not being executed well. Or that he is simply so sweet and thoughtful.
He had behind Minz's back, planned for the chalet, informed all her friends, well, the close ones as well as the not-so-close ones which she was alittle pissed as to why she would have to entertain them then.
And not forgetting that she loathes entertaining. Esp in a BD chalet where if you are the host, it won't be nice if you just keep to one corner and chat with the close buddies.
But the other reason behind the chalet was to have her friends gather together. For it's been a long long time since we all come together. He knows that she has been missing the times. Hence, created this time for us to be together. Thoughful huh...
Only that, the expenses for the chalet plus the food costs him almost 500 bucks.

B said that if $ is not a prob...and for the purposes of creating catching up gathering like this, it's ok.
Perhaps in my point of view, so long there is alittle hiccups here or there, i will have this feeling of rather not having it in the first place. Pessimistic side of me?
If only i can educate on the way i advice for others on myself.

Gal's Gossips

It has been a pretty free day. Maybe the worrying has yet to be started. The target of 150 cases for both the managers to hit. The pressure is not on me to hit the target. Rather, the time needed to do the paper work. Which means OT. Unpaid OT. Anyway, the cases not here yet. And snakie is not on maternity leave yet.

The bosses were out half of the day. And lunch was treated by Sa. We ordered KFC and had a wonderful time simply having the most important activities in our lives. Gossiping...lolx...
It's hilarious sharing and chatting about marriage lives...the husbands...
How one's husband is such a block head kind.
and the other couple whom we say the wife is simple and thus easily 'cheated', however the husband is even simpler and is more easily 'cheated'. And the couple is .... snakie and her ah lau.
Seriously i do envy them.
They are the down-to-earth kinda people. Mama snakie is sensible and kinda funny. So if one day, she will to leave this company, i'm gona to miss her lots and lots. I think i can say she's the main part of the reason why i'm still in this company. eh no...i'm not lesbian and harbouring some evil intention on her la...for goodness sake...haahaa
Back to the topic, mama snakie is not the high maintenance gal. No absurd request from her to her hubby. Shows the care and concern. Only minus points...she can't cook.
And the hubby? Ever very willingly to do things for her. Always the one preparing breakfast for her and other meals.
Now that they are having a little 'piglet' into their lives, it's gona be a complete picture. *envious

Today is quite a memorable day... hee...it's quite rare for all the gals to gather around, eating and chatting.
One of the ways to ease stress too.

Prayers & Confessions

Dear Father,

I know i have not been a good child. Haven't not even stepped into a church for more than 10 years. Sending you my prayers when in trouble.

I'm more than guilty.

Still, i really sincerely pray and wish for your blessings.

Coincidentally, today is the 1st of a month. May this be a good start, a fresh start to the rest of the good times ahead. Am not praying for no obstacles to be in front but for the strength and courage to ride over the bad times.

May i be a stronger and better person.

Lesser self-centered.

More graciousness.

I have been wondering. Though it's impossible, if i were to be given a chance to live my life all over again. What will i choose. And my answer is none of it. If not for the lows in my life, the poor decision making of mine, the ridiculously irresponsible side of me, the stubbornly wilfulness side of me and the cowardly attitude of mine, i would not have come to where i am now.

I do not have an excellent relationship with my folks. But my trying to bond with them through the regular dinner, i do hope there is something at the end of it. They are after all my folks. There is no overnight grudge.

As for B, i want and show to him the love that i have felt from him. The past failed relationships should not be casting a shadow over the present but to let me be more aware of what i should improve on. What i truly want.

I love hence i'll let the actions to prove and not just sitting there waiting to be motivated for my move.
Nothing can be gauranteed but without the most sincere action from ourselves, we will truly regret when the end results show otherwise.
Fear should make one be more courageous and not timid.

Am grateful and thankful for everthing that has been present in my life.

Especially to the darlings friends around me too. Their words of wisdom that wakes me up. The presence of them to let me know i have friends to love and care for as well.

I pray for not all the riches and luxury in the world. Simply, a good job, better relationship with my folks, cultivating and growing together with the friends around me and living a good life with the most important person in my life-Botak deardear. I want to take care of him. Fulfilling little details of his daily needs. Knowing that he has a good meal etc...at the same time, not make him worry about the little silly piggy here.

Heavenly Father, forgive us all the sins and give us the knowledge to build a wonderful tomorrow.

Amen.

Had a little catch up with chicky after work yesterday.
Told her what i felt the next day when i was back to work after just a day of leave at home doing nothing except telly watching, lotsa of ZZzzzz and simply nua-ing. The feeling was great when i was back to the office for i finally had something to do. Wasn't 'sian ze'.
But i'm still faraway from a workaholic for i don't strive to be one.
Yet in order to be a shopaholic as we both would very much love to be, we have to be a workaholic first.
Hence, shopaholic = workaholic.
She is one la...considering the amount of time she spends in the office. Even on weekends.
But it seems like i'm on the verge of joining her league.