i'm shelving aside the Red Azalea by Anchee Min for Mitch Albom latest's work.
Title: For One More Day. Borrowed from chicky.
As usual, it probes into one's inner heart, the emotions, the regrets, the 'what-if' etc...
sets one into really wanting to treasure what's all around after reading it...though i'm only 1/5 into the book.
in this particular book, it emphasizes more on parent-children relationship.
i'm not sure if i can bring myself to flip till the end of it.
because i have a very distant relationship with my parents.
in fact, i knew the existence of this book sometime last year but didn't get it because of theme it was speaking of. don't know y i didn't reject the offer when chicky said she can lend me the book.
the 1/5 of the book is describing the man, whom from young, chose his dad over his mum all because of what his dad had said. "you can never be both parent's boy, either you are a mama's boy or a daddy's boy". and so he chose daddy. however, it was a shortlived enjoyment. for his daddy chose to leave away before he was even teens.
as time passes by, he was an adult, he had his own family, he had his own failure. he even tried to commit suicide.
i still do not know if he is truly dead or what. but then he sees his dead mother when he went back to their old house.
he is now slowly picking up the bits and pieces. he realises the importance of his mum. how he had neglected her before.
well... it's the same to all aspect of life isn't it?
one shouldn't laze to work just to complain he ain't getting enough bread end of the day.
one shouldn't be nasty to friends just to regret their existence of care and concern till they're gone.
one shouldn't be angry with one's partners just to find their lost is irreplacable.
perhaps the phrase, reap what you sow is sometimes not true, but that's only because you can't overcome your own weakness and jump through the hurdles in front.
if life is ever easy, how will one learn to appreciate, enjoy and fully understand the joy and happiness that follows?
***********************************************************
anyway, i realise i haven't been faithful to my books.
3/4 into Red Azalea.
1/5 into Man and Boy.
1/10 into the Half Blood Prince
erm... ... ...
Monday, February 26, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Updates & Updates
Time flies. CNY is over just like that.
How was my CNY? Apart from the update of movie watching with my gf, i didn't write any other stuffs.
Well, here i am to jot down the stuffs... the upsets, the happiness and the fun.
The start of CNY didnt exactly turn out the way i had wished for. Some misunderstandings with my dear B. Really, there was a reason to be upset but definitely not flare up the way i had acted. Hated myself so. But i'm so glad that in the end, everything turned out well.
I find myself getting more and more drawn to him for his nature of good temper. Not that he does not get angry nor pissed at all. Just that whenever there is any unresolving issues between us, he does talk it out nicely and not raising his voice nor throwing his temper when he does have the rights to. Or probably it's his way of reasoning that i'm 'xin fu kou fu'.
The last PH of CNY ended with a dinner prepared by B's mum and aunt at SK place.
On Wednesday, was the nite few of us celebrating Steven's bird-day at Joshua's place.
It's one of those times that i will remember deeply because initially when dear B and i were sms-discussing about the prog, i had suggested him to rest early instead because of the full shift on that day plus the fact that he didn't catch much wink the nite before. But he actually voiced out that " he likes it when gerger wans his company". Actually, since when will i find him unwanted??? Duh!!! I think i will trade for anything just to have him by myside. *becoming a fishmonger here* haahaa..
The nite was a simple steamboat dinner, with some ban-luck gambling, with a bottle of desert wine, dvd.
Then on Thursday morning, the boys were engrossing in their war game and some sun tanning (solo sun tannin i would say, coz the birdday boy went alone, oops.. haha). Thursday ended with watching Ghostrider @ tbp and dinner @ this jap restaurant whereby you can choose the level of spicyness. The boys were enjoying their 'ma-la' experience.
My first stay at Joshua's place was great though the main character should be Steven, but i had my precious moment with dear B there which makes it so unforgetable. *sweet sweet sweet* hee...
Friday nite was last celebrating of Steven's bird-day with his ex-SnK colleagues and some of his friends at Power House. Gee...There are 15 days of CNY and it seems like Steven's bird-day celebration is the same too. Haahaa... firstly there was this ktv session, dan the dinner and finally the clubbing part.
This is just one of the pics taken at Power House.
How was my CNY? Apart from the update of movie watching with my gf, i didn't write any other stuffs.
Well, here i am to jot down the stuffs... the upsets, the happiness and the fun.
The start of CNY didnt exactly turn out the way i had wished for. Some misunderstandings with my dear B. Really, there was a reason to be upset but definitely not flare up the way i had acted. Hated myself so. But i'm so glad that in the end, everything turned out well.
I find myself getting more and more drawn to him for his nature of good temper. Not that he does not get angry nor pissed at all. Just that whenever there is any unresolving issues between us, he does talk it out nicely and not raising his voice nor throwing his temper when he does have the rights to. Or probably it's his way of reasoning that i'm 'xin fu kou fu'.
The last PH of CNY ended with a dinner prepared by B's mum and aunt at SK place.
On Wednesday, was the nite few of us celebrating Steven's bird-day at Joshua's place.
It's one of those times that i will remember deeply because initially when dear B and i were sms-discussing about the prog, i had suggested him to rest early instead because of the full shift on that day plus the fact that he didn't catch much wink the nite before. But he actually voiced out that " he likes it when gerger wans his company". Actually, since when will i find him unwanted??? Duh!!! I think i will trade for anything just to have him by myside. *becoming a fishmonger here* haahaa..
The nite was a simple steamboat dinner, with some ban-luck gambling, with a bottle of desert wine, dvd.
Then on Thursday morning, the boys were engrossing in their war game and some sun tanning (solo sun tannin i would say, coz the birdday boy went alone, oops.. haha). Thursday ended with watching Ghostrider @ tbp and dinner @ this jap restaurant whereby you can choose the level of spicyness. The boys were enjoying their 'ma-la' experience.
My first stay at Joshua's place was great though the main character should be Steven, but i had my precious moment with dear B there which makes it so unforgetable. *sweet sweet sweet* hee...
Friday nite was last celebrating of Steven's bird-day with his ex-SnK colleagues and some of his friends at Power House. Gee...There are 15 days of CNY and it seems like Steven's bird-day celebration is the same too. Haahaa... firstly there was this ktv session, dan the dinner and finally the clubbing part.
This is just one of the pics taken at Power House.
That nite at Power House was the first time i had seen Steven getting high. Can't walk straight but still managable.
This was how Steven looks like when he's high and me stuggling to keep my eyes open big big because of the glaring flash.
B and i had our quality time during the weekend and i had acompany B to his 'gambling den' too, the once-a-year affair. While inside the cab over to the 'gambling den', B said alot of sweet honey words and of all, he also said something else which surprised me lots.
Will B ever know that he's like the special one i have been waiting for?
I was in all smiles thru the weekend. =) *shy*
******************************************************
Sometimes i can't help feeling afraid and scared of what the future lies in front of us.
One thing for sure is that there is nothing i can assure him till the papers finally signed and that will need another year at least. All coz of the stupid house. The stupid roof i need.
Plus, given the extreme personality of B and me. And the different interests we both have.
The only thing i'm sure is that, he has me captivated. The missing of him when he is not around. The 'zi wo tao zui' when i'm thinking of his expression, his laughter, his actions and all.
My heart has been stolen...
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
'The Protege'
Caught this movie during one of the rare meet up with my gf-chicky during the CNY.
The Protege.
Gave her a long list of movies but she settled for this Infernal Affairs look-alike movie.
Not too bad though.
There was this 'famous' phase in the show "Is it the drugs or the emptiness that is scary and horrified"
Is it the presence of drugs that cause people to lose control of themselves, their lives, their everything or the lonliness that drives them to their graveyard?
Having a sense of belonging, not being alone and being loved by everyone around does have a nice feeling. But when you are being cast away? Not able to think straight or logically in depresssing situation? Help seems miles and miles away? What should one do?
The story as it seems, goes behind the truth of drugs, how the real trading like and a simple cop and thief plot. How the undercover betrays...how the druglord's trust was misplaced. Alot of emotional struggles in the story.
I was drawn to the pair of drug addicts in the show too, portrayed by Louis Koo and Zhang Jing Chu.
Overall, i would consider this a 4 stars show and prefer this to Infernal Affairs.
Stories
The story of the tiger and the flower
Once, there was this tiger who fell in love with this flower.
So deeply in love with her that he decided to present her with the best that he can offer. The best that the tiger deems.
And so the tiger set off to hunt. For the longest time, he had hunted the best, a deer.
The tiger was elated and quickly went back to the flower and present her the deer.
Little did the tiger know. The deer has got no use to the flower. What can the flower do with the deer?
What the flower needs is ample sunlight and water. Not the deer.
***************************************************
The story above seems best describing what is happening now.
Sometimes i felt like giving up because at the same time, i have become someone i barely know.
Like the one below...
***************************************************
Love
He used to court her madly. But she was never moved. Till finally, the ice melted. Everything was sweet and nice. Times passes quickly and however, the guy began to distance and finally left. The gal was baffled.
Then she realised.
When he was courting her, she was a bubbly gal, with short curly hair, jovial and humorous. Then, she began to adapt to his likings. Having long straight hair, no longer hangs out as often with friends. Became more demure and quiet. Slowly she has become the opposite of what attracted him in the first place.
She has lost herself.
**************************************************
Sometimes, the more we refuse to be or do certain things, the more we are falling into it and guilty of doing it.
I hate it when i'm overdoing agitating. Displeases will slowly erupt into a unstoppable explosion.
What have i become to? Can i slap myself or bring myself to cold turkey?
There was a reason for upset. But not an excuse to be unreasonable.
Damn. *hanged myself*
Once, there was this tiger who fell in love with this flower.
So deeply in love with her that he decided to present her with the best that he can offer. The best that the tiger deems.
And so the tiger set off to hunt. For the longest time, he had hunted the best, a deer.
The tiger was elated and quickly went back to the flower and present her the deer.
Little did the tiger know. The deer has got no use to the flower. What can the flower do with the deer?
What the flower needs is ample sunlight and water. Not the deer.
***************************************************
The story above seems best describing what is happening now.
Sometimes i felt like giving up because at the same time, i have become someone i barely know.
Like the one below...
***************************************************
Love
He used to court her madly. But she was never moved. Till finally, the ice melted. Everything was sweet and nice. Times passes quickly and however, the guy began to distance and finally left. The gal was baffled.
Then she realised.
When he was courting her, she was a bubbly gal, with short curly hair, jovial and humorous. Then, she began to adapt to his likings. Having long straight hair, no longer hangs out as often with friends. Became more demure and quiet. Slowly she has become the opposite of what attracted him in the first place.
She has lost herself.
**************************************************
Sometimes, the more we refuse to be or do certain things, the more we are falling into it and guilty of doing it.
I hate it when i'm overdoing agitating. Displeases will slowly erupt into a unstoppable explosion.
What have i become to? Can i slap myself or bring myself to cold turkey?
There was a reason for upset. But not an excuse to be unreasonable.
Damn. *hanged myself*
Friday, February 16, 2007
Blues Part 2
Time: 5.30 p.m
Location: Still stuck in the office
*Cries*
Okie, maybe i shouldn't be complaining. But but... seriously... it's so dumb sitting here. Should have taken a half day leave or somthing.
I'm wondering if i should go for last minute shopping later. Was planning to initially. Prob head to CP. Wanna go to the Fashion Lab. Then figured that i had enough of shopping @ CP. But where else should i head to then? Bugis? Orchard? MS? Don't exactly fancy going to such places coz sure damn crowded. Given my height and plus the additional height gained from the heels... i'll still be suffocated.
And a little afraid of buying clothes because i had some weight shed off. What if, the kilos come visit me again? Then the clothes will be wasted. Just like my levis. Bought dec 04, worn till may 05 then can't wear liao. Till recently then i managed to squeeze my butt in. But B is complaining about my size now. Too skinny. Sigh.
Wonder who was the one who wanted me to drop from 46 to 42. Now, i'm at 43 and he wants me back to 46. *strangling actions*
Oh god... it's another 25 more mins to go.
I need something else to distract me.
Hmmm... CNY resolutions? Quit =Q I wonder what can be the most effective method in quitting smoking for someone who is so hardcore.
Why can't i get the motivation from my father who has been a smoker since a kid. Yeah, a kid, it's no surprise for people in his generation. He smoked for like about 20-30 years? He quit shortly after i was born or when i was almost a toddler.(As i was told) From my memories, i have never seen my father smoke before. Eh, okie... given that i only see him like a few times a week? during my toddler days. In primary school, erm.. once a week? The once a week meeting lasted till sec days n first yr of poly. The only time i ever seen him smoked was during ah ma's funeral where he had his first puff then the cig was thrown away. I felt pity for the cig back then. Hahaha...
Eh... 15 mins to knocking off time, but the sky is darkening. WTF!!!
Location: Still stuck in the office
*Cries*
Okie, maybe i shouldn't be complaining. But but... seriously... it's so dumb sitting here. Should have taken a half day leave or somthing.
I'm wondering if i should go for last minute shopping later. Was planning to initially. Prob head to CP. Wanna go to the Fashion Lab. Then figured that i had enough of shopping @ CP. But where else should i head to then? Bugis? Orchard? MS? Don't exactly fancy going to such places coz sure damn crowded. Given my height and plus the additional height gained from the heels... i'll still be suffocated.
And a little afraid of buying clothes because i had some weight shed off. What if, the kilos come visit me again? Then the clothes will be wasted. Just like my levis. Bought dec 04, worn till may 05 then can't wear liao. Till recently then i managed to squeeze my butt in. But B is complaining about my size now. Too skinny. Sigh.
Wonder who was the one who wanted me to drop from 46 to 42. Now, i'm at 43 and he wants me back to 46. *strangling actions*
Oh god... it's another 25 more mins to go.
I need something else to distract me.
Hmmm... CNY resolutions? Quit =Q I wonder what can be the most effective method in quitting smoking for someone who is so hardcore.
Why can't i get the motivation from my father who has been a smoker since a kid. Yeah, a kid, it's no surprise for people in his generation. He smoked for like about 20-30 years? He quit shortly after i was born or when i was almost a toddler.(As i was told) From my memories, i have never seen my father smoke before. Eh, okie... given that i only see him like a few times a week? during my toddler days. In primary school, erm.. once a week? The once a week meeting lasted till sec days n first yr of poly. The only time i ever seen him smoked was during ah ma's funeral where he had his first puff then the cig was thrown away. I felt pity for the cig back then. Hahaha...
Eh... 15 mins to knocking off time, but the sky is darkening. WTF!!!
Pre CNY Blues
Time: 3pm
Location: Super duper quiet office.
Why can't our bosses understand what our inner hearts are yearning for?
Stuck here in the office and practically no mood for work at all.
Half the strength is gone.
One already on way back to hometown.
One on way to pickup 'lao po da ren'.
One at home doing last minute spring cleaning.
One doing shopping with 'baobei er zi'.
Duh...can someone tell me why are the remaining gals including me still stuck here??? sobx sobx...
Yesterday, one of the most malu thing happened. Wanted so badly to buried myself into a hole then.
When i was telling snakie earlier, i was blaming the pair of stupid shoes. After some thoughts, no, it ain't the stupid shoes. It's the stupid design of the escalator or whatever.
What happened was that the heel of my shoe was stuck in one of gaps at the area just before stepping up onto the escalator. Duh...next thing i know, my shoe was left behind. So, basically its the stupid design that has got gaps and slits all around that traps heels from pathetic souls like me. Luckily i was able to hurry down and retrieve my poor 'other half', else it would probably be shoved, pushed and stomped around by uncaring passers-by. And i may have to lodge a missing notice for it.
The malu incident aside.
I had a wonderful shock when i got home.
I opened up the angbaos by my manager, Andy Shu Shu and the other claims manager, Mo, and realised they had both given me a fat angbao. Yeah!!!
Heehee...=)
Location: Super duper quiet office.
Why can't our bosses understand what our inner hearts are yearning for?
Stuck here in the office and practically no mood for work at all.
Half the strength is gone.
One already on way back to hometown.
One on way to pickup 'lao po da ren'.
One at home doing last minute spring cleaning.
One doing shopping with 'baobei er zi'.
Duh...can someone tell me why are the remaining gals including me still stuck here??? sobx sobx...
Yesterday, one of the most malu thing happened. Wanted so badly to buried myself into a hole then.
When i was telling snakie earlier, i was blaming the pair of stupid shoes. After some thoughts, no, it ain't the stupid shoes. It's the stupid design of the escalator or whatever.
What happened was that the heel of my shoe was stuck in one of gaps at the area just before stepping up onto the escalator. Duh...next thing i know, my shoe was left behind. So, basically its the stupid design that has got gaps and slits all around that traps heels from pathetic souls like me. Luckily i was able to hurry down and retrieve my poor 'other half', else it would probably be shoved, pushed and stomped around by uncaring passers-by. And i may have to lodge a missing notice for it.
The malu incident aside.
I had a wonderful shock when i got home.
I opened up the angbaos by my manager, Andy Shu Shu and the other claims manager, Mo, and realised they had both given me a fat angbao. Yeah!!!
Heehee...=)
Thursday, February 15, 2007
CNY 2007 & V Day
I had just sent an ecard. Think it didn't went through to all my friends. lolx... am sure a blurry sotong!! But still, i am hoping the mails were sent successfully after all. Should have tried sending the second time, but eh, isn't that as good as publicising my sotong-ness? Hahaha... Anyway, posted a new year greeting in friendster to all too.
Don't really like the ecards *rambling* yah.. i mean, no doubt it's cuter and fancier. But away is the joy of opening the postbox, ripping off the pink or even red envelopes to reveal REAL cards and handwritten greetings with sincerity. *being dumb here* haahaa...
CNY is coming soon. Eve this saturday. As usual, gota head back home to have the same old dishes which i have been having for the past 15 years? Then head back to my little nest and start doggie-sitting 'kopi'. And nothing much is plan except to B's place 'pai nian' and KIV what other plans he has.
Yesterday was the first Valentines we spent. =)
He had intended to bring me out for a movie but *faint*, i can't believe that there are so many movies which i wanna catch, all are either at dumb dumb timing or it's left with the front 4 rows. How to watch???
In the end, he said he will arrange something else. Hee...he had arranged a fondue meal. Yummy. Seriously, the fondue is so-so. Their standards really drop! But so much more things made up for it. His funny expressions-'the chipmunk' look. Damn funny. Afterwhich a short stroll and chat, during which he said something so rare and precious that it melts my heart completely. *mesmerising in happiness*
I am so in love... ...
I'm finding a chance to let him know my appreciation. A chance to express out well what he had influence me, touches my heart and made me realised what has been missing in the past relationships i had.
Don't really like the ecards *rambling* yah.. i mean, no doubt it's cuter and fancier. But away is the joy of opening the postbox, ripping off the pink or even red envelopes to reveal REAL cards and handwritten greetings with sincerity. *being dumb here* haahaa...
CNY is coming soon. Eve this saturday. As usual, gota head back home to have the same old dishes which i have been having for the past 15 years? Then head back to my little nest and start doggie-sitting 'kopi'. And nothing much is plan except to B's place 'pai nian' and KIV what other plans he has.
Yesterday was the first Valentines we spent. =)
He had intended to bring me out for a movie but *faint*, i can't believe that there are so many movies which i wanna catch, all are either at dumb dumb timing or it's left with the front 4 rows. How to watch???
In the end, he said he will arrange something else. Hee...he had arranged a fondue meal. Yummy. Seriously, the fondue is so-so. Their standards really drop! But so much more things made up for it. His funny expressions-'the chipmunk' look. Damn funny. Afterwhich a short stroll and chat, during which he said something so rare and precious that it melts my heart completely. *mesmerising in happiness*
I am so in love... ...
I'm finding a chance to let him know my appreciation. A chance to express out well what he had influence me, touches my heart and made me realised what has been missing in the past relationships i had.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Deal & Interests
=) B promised me a visit to the zoo in the month of February. Apparantly, due to the celebration of the CNY, B is unable to commit to his promise as he will have to help out his mummy in preparation of the CNY goodies during his precious off days on weekends. Then during the CNY, his time will be spent on the 'healthy' gambling. =X
As such, i have proposed to him. With the default of the zoo visit in February, i don't mind bringing it forward to March. But that is to be acompanied with a visit to the Night Safari as well. =p And if, its to be brought forward another month, it will be zoo + night safari + sentosa/pulau ubin. heehee...
And so my dear, the interests is snowballing and snowballing...
As such, i have proposed to him. With the default of the zoo visit in February, i don't mind bringing it forward to March. But that is to be acompanied with a visit to the Night Safari as well. =p And if, its to be brought forward another month, it will be zoo + night safari + sentosa/pulau ubin. heehee...
And so my dear, the interests is snowballing and snowballing...
Thoughts & Confessions
Attended two of my galpal's granny's funeral. All in two week's time. One after another. In fact, my birthday was spent at one of the wake. Not really good in the eyes of the old folks but i don't really care. No harm done anyway.
Just glad that my dear B was with me on both visits.
My past wkend has been quite good. I think i can rate a grade B. Alittle shopping with B on friday nite followed by dinner and dessert. =) How i enjoyed my cheesecake with dear B.
Followed by a little spring cleaning for my 'rented' room... geez...i didn't realised i actually have so much books not read yet. *guilty guilty guilty*
Then, some personal shopping by myself on sun eve. Erm, kinda over indulges in pampering myself...lolx *even more guilty here* got myself more than what i felt i needed. My aim for the shopping was to get a set of lingerie, a pair of jeans capri and a new top (read quantity-ONE each). In the end, i went home with 2 sets of lingerie, a pair of brown berms, a belt, 3 tops, 2 pairs of ear-rings and a ring. B almost fainted. haha... and well, i got a scolding too for skipping my dinner just to shop. =(
Just glad that my dear B was with me on both visits.
My past wkend has been quite good. I think i can rate a grade B. Alittle shopping with B on friday nite followed by dinner and dessert. =) How i enjoyed my cheesecake with dear B.
Followed by a little spring cleaning for my 'rented' room... geez...i didn't realised i actually have so much books not read yet. *guilty guilty guilty*
Then, some personal shopping by myself on sun eve. Erm, kinda over indulges in pampering myself...lolx *even more guilty here* got myself more than what i felt i needed. My aim for the shopping was to get a set of lingerie, a pair of jeans capri and a new top (read quantity-ONE each). In the end, i went home with 2 sets of lingerie, a pair of brown berms, a belt, 3 tops, 2 pairs of ear-rings and a ring. B almost fainted. haha... and well, i got a scolding too for skipping my dinner just to shop. =(
Friday, February 02, 2007
...
I met an old friend yesterday while on my way to the hairdresser. Not that kind of really close friend whom i was with during the sec days but definitely not the hi-bye friend either. Someone whom is a friend. Not an acquaintance. Reminded me of the console given when my cousin passed away during the examinations. He probably didn't remember about it.
We talked about other old friends.
Made me think of the past times.
So much changes all these years.
And he was surprised that my life is so boring now. Work Home Eat Sleep. haha
Well, that's pretty much of my routine. Believe it anot.
Haven't been chillin' out for a while. Except the movie outing last month. Abit of shopping here and there lately. Trying to burst my purse.
Revamping my room. Gotten myself a new mattress. Finally!!! Arrival this saturday.
Can't wait.
Maybe, i should get some new hobbies or interests.
Or i should convince myself to go into some studying. Duh...maybe not.
Work is occupying most of the time. It's no surprise that im in office on saturdays.
And after work, my energy level is mostly at all time low, well, that is apart from the energy outburst i derived from my vitamin B on the other times.
Can't find any other energy sources to be hyperactive when im not at work or with B. Gee... am i really gettin old?
We talked about other old friends.
Made me think of the past times.
So much changes all these years.
And he was surprised that my life is so boring now. Work Home Eat Sleep. haha
Well, that's pretty much of my routine. Believe it anot.
Haven't been chillin' out for a while. Except the movie outing last month. Abit of shopping here and there lately. Trying to burst my purse.
Revamping my room. Gotten myself a new mattress. Finally!!! Arrival this saturday.
Can't wait.
Maybe, i should get some new hobbies or interests.
Or i should convince myself to go into some studying. Duh...maybe not.
Work is occupying most of the time. It's no surprise that im in office on saturdays.
And after work, my energy level is mostly at all time low, well, that is apart from the energy outburst i derived from my vitamin B on the other times.
Can't find any other energy sources to be hyperactive when im not at work or with B. Gee... am i really gettin old?
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