Finally i felt relieved. Was unwillingly became a middleman, a messenger to a couple. Though, i have been holding the position for quite a long time but i'm glad to say, i have finally quit. I have chosen to wash my hands off the matter. It was kinda hard in the beginning for i was still very worrying about her being. Then again, it's really time for her to learn.
A burden loaded off. Yes.
On saturday, i had went to "Peter's" 21st birthday chalet. Saw alot of people there but didn't managed to catch up with them. Only with Denise, Kelly, Pongz, Vivian, Azure and of coz the birthday boy. Was happy that in the end, B came to join me.
Things are blossoming lately. With B specially coming to look for me, spending time with me. And me baking the brownies for him as his birthday present. Erm... but i have to confess. The quality is alittle off standards. But still, it's my first attempt mah. Heehee... And it's still within acceptable range la. =p Most importantly is that both us have been appreciating the efforts done for each other. The start off has been good. Now, it's up to our 'maintanence'.
Though i'm really sad that one of my so called surprise for B is going to the drain. My specially requested long leave was to keep him acompany. Only to find out in the end, poor B has got reservist on his BIG day and the following day. :(... Now i left with wednesday to be with him. sobx...
This morning, as usual, the big fat teddy bear made us pissed again. This time round? Regards to the days off for the company trip. Turns out that the days affected were counted as annual leave. *angry angry angry* Well, if from the beginning, it has been said that the days affected were to be taken as AL, i probably will choose otherwise. To come back to work or just my own plans instead of joining the trip. Felt cheated.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Thoughts
I was browsing through a frd's blog earlier on, on her entry of one's behaviour and attitude towards the people who failed to see eye to eye with us, be it due to their simplicity or that they were presented with less tough or bad experience to enable them to be street smart or to just to think levelly with those people who have been through lots.
And whether we should be judgemental towards them, discriminating and diminishing them or we try as our best we could to think in their shoes.
That sets me in thinking about this particular person whom i cared for quite alot. As much as i understand her situation, that her marriage is on the rocks and she is badly dependent on her hubby and it will cost a suicide if the end result is not what she had expected. It was a snowball problem between them. But on a positive side, after all the storms and hurricanes, her hubby is back by her side. Yet, i don't see any effort from her in improving the strain relationship. In fact, what i sees is that she is further destorying herself, her life and her marriage life by throwing herself into the arms of others but her hubby. In fact, she was the one who strayed first but her hubby knew of nothing of the matter. Yet she had the audacity to blow matters up when her hubby strayed.
She claimed she loves her hubby lots yet her actions showed otherwise. Refusal to see senses in her actions. Ignoring the care and concern her friends are showering her with. In fact, gals' companion no longer seem necessary for her.
Indugles in booze and enjoys drowning in them. Just like last night... got herself drunk yet again, kept blabbing nonsenses and as usual has no recollection of what she said the night before.
Argh!!!
I enjoy drinking. I don't deny that. But i have since refrain. Why?
Because i no longer wanna drink till drunk. I wanna drink because of happiness. Because of occassion.
Why do they have to drink till they are drunk everytime and create so much trouble?
Why does she have to land herself in such complicating situation when she should or ought learnt to control herself by now.
Ok, forgive me for being so condemning to these people. But i belive that, if you made this mistake once, or twice, by the third time, you should have learnt how to avoid it.
How many chances can one give? How much time can one offer?
When poses her with questions she ought to give some serious thought, she would always brush it aside by saying ' i don't know'. When telling her don't repeat the same thingy or try her best to take good care of herself, she would say 'this is me'.
How many people out there will acknowledge their bad habits and not try to correct? I'm not saying to change it 100% but at least the effort must be seen to improve it or correct it.
Just like, if you know you are the rowdy type when drunk, refrain from drinking till that level and being a nuisance to others. That way, you are showing people that you are growing, learning , becoming responsible of one's actions and become sensible.
Sad to say, if she still refuses to change... it might be a friend less in time to come.
Sad stuff apart, at the same time, i'm really really appreciating B's efforts and crabby's companion to me. Precious is what i would describe the relationship and the friendship i have with them respectively.
And whether we should be judgemental towards them, discriminating and diminishing them or we try as our best we could to think in their shoes.
That sets me in thinking about this particular person whom i cared for quite alot. As much as i understand her situation, that her marriage is on the rocks and she is badly dependent on her hubby and it will cost a suicide if the end result is not what she had expected. It was a snowball problem between them. But on a positive side, after all the storms and hurricanes, her hubby is back by her side. Yet, i don't see any effort from her in improving the strain relationship. In fact, what i sees is that she is further destorying herself, her life and her marriage life by throwing herself into the arms of others but her hubby. In fact, she was the one who strayed first but her hubby knew of nothing of the matter. Yet she had the audacity to blow matters up when her hubby strayed.
She claimed she loves her hubby lots yet her actions showed otherwise. Refusal to see senses in her actions. Ignoring the care and concern her friends are showering her with. In fact, gals' companion no longer seem necessary for her.
Indugles in booze and enjoys drowning in them. Just like last night... got herself drunk yet again, kept blabbing nonsenses and as usual has no recollection of what she said the night before.
Argh!!!
I enjoy drinking. I don't deny that. But i have since refrain. Why?
Because i no longer wanna drink till drunk. I wanna drink because of happiness. Because of occassion.
Why do they have to drink till they are drunk everytime and create so much trouble?
Why does she have to land herself in such complicating situation when she should or ought learnt to control herself by now.
Ok, forgive me for being so condemning to these people. But i belive that, if you made this mistake once, or twice, by the third time, you should have learnt how to avoid it.
How many chances can one give? How much time can one offer?
When poses her with questions she ought to give some serious thought, she would always brush it aside by saying ' i don't know'. When telling her don't repeat the same thingy or try her best to take good care of herself, she would say 'this is me'.
How many people out there will acknowledge their bad habits and not try to correct? I'm not saying to change it 100% but at least the effort must be seen to improve it or correct it.
Just like, if you know you are the rowdy type when drunk, refrain from drinking till that level and being a nuisance to others. That way, you are showing people that you are growing, learning , becoming responsible of one's actions and become sensible.
Sad to say, if she still refuses to change... it might be a friend less in time to come.
Sad stuff apart, at the same time, i'm really really appreciating B's efforts and crabby's companion to me. Precious is what i would describe the relationship and the friendship i have with them respectively.
Monday, November 06, 2006
why bear grudges
Crabby called earlier, complaining about a fellow in charge who failed to let the bygones be bygones. They had some arguement earlier on and afterwhich apparantly the other gal failed to let the issue past and still speaks to her in an attitude.
That's only human, isn't it? To err is human nature. To always have judgemental views on others and never oneself. Generous on self's faults but stingy on others.
Just like how we will bear grudges towards the one who did us wrong but when it comes to our turn, we never hesitate in seeking and expecting forgiveness.
Just like will i ever forgive those who deserted me only to realise they wanted to care for me afterall.
Whatever the point is, it's inevitable to have arguements, to have clashes on viewpoints and concept. What's most important is how and what we learnt from the differences, isn't it? If only we can always remember to take a step back, inhale a deep breathe and think calmly. There shall be lesser conflicts and misunderstandings.
That's only human, isn't it? To err is human nature. To always have judgemental views on others and never oneself. Generous on self's faults but stingy on others.
Just like how we will bear grudges towards the one who did us wrong but when it comes to our turn, we never hesitate in seeking and expecting forgiveness.
Just like will i ever forgive those who deserted me only to realise they wanted to care for me afterall.
Whatever the point is, it's inevitable to have arguements, to have clashes on viewpoints and concept. What's most important is how and what we learnt from the differences, isn't it? If only we can always remember to take a step back, inhale a deep breathe and think calmly. There shall be lesser conflicts and misunderstandings.
06/11/06
I don't know what to write.
To follow up with the last entry?
Hmm... well, the waffle issue has been settled. And our relationship at the same time has taken a step further which at this point of time, there is nothing more which i should ask for. He has shower me with more than i had expected. :)
On saturday, i had unintentionally set pigeon to my honey Junie. :( Oopss... Supposedly meeting her at 4pm but in the end i woke up at 6pm. Argh!!! Luckily she wasn't just meeting me alone. And now, i owe her and Michelle a waffle each from Gelare.
And was supposed to meet up with Crabby Dear yesterday for 'The Sinking of Japan', but too bad, due to the sudden changes in work schedule we have to postponed it. :(
Then this morning, barely half hour into working, some dumbass spoil the day for everyone, yet again. Eh, not some dumbass, but a big teddy bear which we all dislike!!!
Argh!!!
Shan't let him disturb my mood, it's only monday for goodness sake.
**********************************
For the past few days, the sky has been pretty gloomy. Apart from the wkends which i spent most of the time zzz-ing away and had absolutely no idea what's going outside, i realised there has been rain every day of my working day. Such nice and cosy weather and i have to be in the office shivering away. I need a heater in the office.
**********************************
Due to the late night yesterday, i'm pretty sure i ain't able to stay up late tonight. It's a good thing that B is heading back to his Commonwealth place, otherwise, he's gona to see a more tired face tonight which is what i'm trying to not to let him see. But... but... i'm always tired... geez...
**********************************
Right now, i'm waiting for Crabby dear to pass me the photos which we all took at ICB last thursday. Can't wait. :)
To follow up with the last entry?
Hmm... well, the waffle issue has been settled. And our relationship at the same time has taken a step further which at this point of time, there is nothing more which i should ask for. He has shower me with more than i had expected. :)
On saturday, i had unintentionally set pigeon to my honey Junie. :( Oopss... Supposedly meeting her at 4pm but in the end i woke up at 6pm. Argh!!! Luckily she wasn't just meeting me alone. And now, i owe her and Michelle a waffle each from Gelare.
And was supposed to meet up with Crabby Dear yesterday for 'The Sinking of Japan', but too bad, due to the sudden changes in work schedule we have to postponed it. :(
Then this morning, barely half hour into working, some dumbass spoil the day for everyone, yet again. Eh, not some dumbass, but a big teddy bear which we all dislike!!!
Argh!!!
Shan't let him disturb my mood, it's only monday for goodness sake.
**********************************
For the past few days, the sky has been pretty gloomy. Apart from the wkends which i spent most of the time zzz-ing away and had absolutely no idea what's going outside, i realised there has been rain every day of my working day. Such nice and cosy weather and i have to be in the office shivering away. I need a heater in the office.
**********************************
Due to the late night yesterday, i'm pretty sure i ain't able to stay up late tonight. It's a good thing that B is heading back to his Commonwealth place, otherwise, he's gona to see a more tired face tonight which is what i'm trying to not to let him see. But... but... i'm always tired... geez...
**********************************
Right now, i'm waiting for Crabby dear to pass me the photos which we all took at ICB last thursday. Can't wait. :)
Thursday, November 02, 2006
...
I must admit, nowadays i can hibernate no more. Since this morning i have been uncontactable unless by msn or office phone. Else, no one else except my colleagues can reach me. Till, crabby called me at my office. While chatting with her, i was almost in tears. It ain't any big deal, seriously, but i cant deny the 'lost' feeling that i have.
And the reason of 'shutting', i just don't want to be over reacting. Judging from the mood now, the last thing i want is an unnecessary outburst. Crabby says i won't. I don't know.
I only know that i have been refraining and controlling very hard to suppress what i deem is unreasonable behaviour and demand.
Well, no matter what, thank you, crabby...
******************************
Another thingy which is bothering me is usual, work. The work environment. The people i'm working for and for a particular person. Honestly i am not biased against her, since we are not on par in communication levels, i would wish to stay away from her. Yet at the same time i like her for her frankness. Then again, saying things without considering any consequences can be considered as stupid as well. You see, you can inevitably offend people without knowing when you blurt things out too fast. Or either that, she has had thought of what she was saying and found it absolutely alrightto publicise it. Either way, bottomline is, she always annoyed me with her comments.
Whatever.
******************************
A frd online says Death Note is pretty intriguing. Hmmm...
I have so much movies that i wanna catch...
The Oh in Ohio
The Prestige
The Sinking of Japan
A Good Year
The Guardian
plus Death Note
**i'm just a simple little gal wanting to enjoy a movie** can i???
And the reason of 'shutting', i just don't want to be over reacting. Judging from the mood now, the last thing i want is an unnecessary outburst. Crabby says i won't. I don't know.
I only know that i have been refraining and controlling very hard to suppress what i deem is unreasonable behaviour and demand.
Well, no matter what, thank you, crabby...
******************************
Another thingy which is bothering me is usual, work. The work environment. The people i'm working for and for a particular person. Honestly i am not biased against her, since we are not on par in communication levels, i would wish to stay away from her. Yet at the same time i like her for her frankness. Then again, saying things without considering any consequences can be considered as stupid as well. You see, you can inevitably offend people without knowing when you blurt things out too fast. Or either that, she has had thought of what she was saying and found it absolutely alrightto publicise it. Either way, bottomline is, she always annoyed me with her comments.
Whatever.
******************************
A frd online says Death Note is pretty intriguing. Hmmm...
I have so much movies that i wanna catch...
The Oh in Ohio
The Prestige
The Sinking of Japan
A Good Year
The Guardian
plus Death Note
**i'm just a simple little gal wanting to enjoy a movie** can i???
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
1 November 2006
There was this article in the Straits Times today which caught my attention. The 8-women team who will conquer Everest in 2008. It isn't any easy feat. My admiration for these 8 women and from the bottom of my heart, wish that they will succeed.
Right now, from the view in my office, it is as though there is a huge storm out there. So does that mean i can't make a trip down to ikea? I miss my old residential place. It's so near to ikea, not like now. Punggol?!!!
On monday, my intention to head down to ikea was cancelled because of my sotong-ness. I had forgotten to bring my cards out, as in all sort of cards, my ic lahh, my nets card lahh... haiz...
Yesterday was because of the date that he had asked. Should have just said i have appointment made. Else, it won't have happened. Will it?
Today? haiz... raining cats and dogs. How to go???
Tomorrow is thursday, what should i plan??? Friday, then saturday and sunday... Next saturday it's "Peter's" 21st birthday, so no matter what, his chalet will be on the top of my pirority list.
Then i'll be taking leave from 15-17. A long weekend for me but nothing plan. Well, not exactly, i was planning on baking a birthday cake for B. Or perhaps some brownies for him. Some handmade gifts to someone i deem special rather than the usual presents. The baking shall take place on 15 and surprise him at the stroke of midnight. That is, provided, he has nothing plan which i know very well, it is not possible. There's definitely be something. Something which i will be absent from it. Just have this feeling.
Anyway, even if he doesn't have the time for me, i'll think of some ways to pass him my thoughts and off to relax in my own world i guess. Hmmm... maybe i can just head to the zoo as i have always wanted. =) okie, now i'm smiling. Heehee...
Right now, from the view in my office, it is as though there is a huge storm out there. So does that mean i can't make a trip down to ikea? I miss my old residential place. It's so near to ikea, not like now. Punggol?!!!
On monday, my intention to head down to ikea was cancelled because of my sotong-ness. I had forgotten to bring my cards out, as in all sort of cards, my ic lahh, my nets card lahh... haiz...
Yesterday was because of the date that he had asked. Should have just said i have appointment made. Else, it won't have happened. Will it?
Today? haiz... raining cats and dogs. How to go???
Tomorrow is thursday, what should i plan??? Friday, then saturday and sunday... Next saturday it's "Peter's" 21st birthday, so no matter what, his chalet will be on the top of my pirority list.
Then i'll be taking leave from 15-17. A long weekend for me but nothing plan. Well, not exactly, i was planning on baking a birthday cake for B. Or perhaps some brownies for him. Some handmade gifts to someone i deem special rather than the usual presents. The baking shall take place on 15 and surprise him at the stroke of midnight. That is, provided, he has nothing plan which i know very well, it is not possible. There's definitely be something. Something which i will be absent from it. Just have this feeling.
Anyway, even if he doesn't have the time for me, i'll think of some ways to pass him my thoughts and off to relax in my own world i guess. Hmmm... maybe i can just head to the zoo as i have always wanted. =) okie, now i'm smiling. Heehee...
Early Pms
What went wrong? His abruptly leaving from the date? His lack of initiative to explain what was exactly going on? My unreasonable interpretation of his actions? My refusal to acknowledge that i was pissed when apparantly it should be obvious that i was indeed angry?
I began to wonder about the values that we both hold, our way of communicating and how we interprete each other's words and actions.
As i was telling to Minz, he's kinda different from other guys. Not really belonging to those affectionate type yet there will be times whereby he be showing his affection in a very sweet and adoring way. He has done things which no one else has did for me. Sad to say, at the same time, he has infuriated me in ways where no one else has done before too. Towards him, i'm lost.
Another side of me was doubting myself as to why am i so furious for last night incident. It ain't supposed to be me acting like that. Not when i thought i had change my perspective in a relationship. So does that mean my views and values were never changed in the first place?
Damn it.
I began to wonder about the values that we both hold, our way of communicating and how we interprete each other's words and actions.
As i was telling to Minz, he's kinda different from other guys. Not really belonging to those affectionate type yet there will be times whereby he be showing his affection in a very sweet and adoring way. He has done things which no one else has did for me. Sad to say, at the same time, he has infuriated me in ways where no one else has done before too. Towards him, i'm lost.
Another side of me was doubting myself as to why am i so furious for last night incident. It ain't supposed to be me acting like that. Not when i thought i had change my perspective in a relationship. So does that mean my views and values were never changed in the first place?
Damn it.
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