Marriage

It's never easy for two different persons to be together.
Unless these two persons share the same direction in life, walking at the same pace.
Willing to compromise with each other.
Spend time to work out the differences.
Bear with each other through their own difficult times, lending endless support.
Share with all the happiness and goodness.

Though marriage is about the union of two persons, yet, one must remember never to lose oneself into the pool of love.
It is important to be able to love oneself before you can love another.
The security that you can give because if you can't even love yourself, how can u assure your love one that they can depend on you.

It's a balance of being independent and dependent.
A balance of sane and insanity.

One must not forget to constantly remind other of the care and concern.
One must not neglect the presence of other.
One must not take other for granted.

It's easy to fall in love.
It's not easy to maintain the love.
It's even harder work to work out the marriage.

Many people focus too much on the present situation and process but neglect the results, or rather, they refused to face the reality. Reality bites.

Marriage requires one to be faithful, true and honest. Elements lacking in the marriages around me. And in my case too.

For the least, i choose to let go when i know it's not there anymore.

But why, and how can the people out there can still be so 'playful' and flirt? A kind of challenge? Human's ego to conquer?

You have a happy family, yet still not satisfied. Humans are indeed greedy and lustful.

My recipe for a marriage:

Pls be honest
Pls constantly show your care and concern
Pls don't be afraid to voice out your thoughts and feel
Pls bear in mind no one is perfect
Pls spend time for a real conversation
& Pls remember actions speaks louder than words

"Depressed"

It's that "time" again.

When you feel you are sick of the present life you are leading now, what should you do. Attempt to quickly steer into another route? But what if you have to forsake alot of things in the course of re-routing?

Feel sick of the situation now. Was in control weeks ago, now? Shattering its the word.

I can't allow myself to sink again.

NO.

Gals, im sorry if i won't be as available as before. But i really do need that time to think matters over. Been wasting way too much time on trival matters.

I have tried my best. Now, its the time i have to help myself. If i continue pouring out the help needed by others, i won't just be drained. But evaporated from this world.

ok... it's the stupid PMS again. Lunge me into depression. Deep depression. Stupid hormones acting and triggering off numerous non-sensical reactions.

"3 June"

The entry earlier was full of anger. Soon angry will be a word too mild for it. Then i deleted it off. Because, this is my diary. Enough of it. I want to be reading a happy or more memorable entry when i come back.

So here i am, re typing the entry.

Happy stuff-->

Looking forward to Mich birthday, what else. 2 more days to go. The day i'll be dead drunk. Will i? Well, i just wanted to be high, really HIGH. I know it's not a remedy. After the high-ness, what then?. Doesn't matter. Enjoy the moment. That's all i ask for.

And then i'm being torn in between the celebrations and the 1st quarter final match. ARGH!!!

It's very rare for me to be with the gals drinking like there's no tomorrow. Joanne, Meiyan, Chloe, Shi Ting, Vivian, Siti, Kellie, and the guys, xianglong, "Peter", xiao bai, Botak, Steven, Andy etc n etc n etc... Yet, i know i want to watch the match between Germany and Argentina very very badly. Die... if only i can split myself into 2.

Only consolation, if Alwyn does pay me my winnings, the bottles im opening are free. Lolx...

"2nd June"

I had an enjoyable evening yesterday. Caught "The King and the clown" with "Peter" at The Cathay. My first visit there since it opened it's doors since duno when. The old cathay had in some ways left an impression on me, some what like the old National library does. Hence, i was expecting something different and probably grander with the new building. Yet, it doesn't happen that way. I was very very disappointed when i got there. Blame it on the commercialised society that we are in i guess. Now, it's just another shopping building. Nothing special.

"The Movie"
I cried again in this movie. Just like what happened to me when i caught Brokeback Mountains. And no doubt, the similarity of this film to BBM is very strong. In BBM, what i feel strongly was still sane obssesion. Because the guys in the show had at least try to live a 'normal' life as much as possible. Yet, in KC, it was insane obssession. An obsession that grew out of control.

Homosexuality is very much a taboo then. And now? Look around us and it's not difficult to find. However, it's yet to be accepted in many places.

Kinda wondering. Humans are animals after all. If the human species of animal are prone to homosexuality, then what about the other species? I'm ignorant.

Back to the movie, apart from the emotional tumoil i felt from it, i was at the same time in awe of the beauty of the actor, Lee Koon-ji. He is indeed a VERY PRETTY BOY. And especially from the way he portray his character, i felt he should be nomimated for awards. His beauty is beyond words, his eyes can have you in captivation, his acting can have illusions become real.

Real is reel. Reel is real.

He is the woman's man yet a man's woman.

Okie... next movie "Road to Guantanamo".

First June

Today is 26 June yet i titled it First June. But it is First June, in chinese calender that is. Haahaa. nothing special, just that when i was entering this entry, it so happens that i notice the date on the calender.

My boss is finally back from his holiday. Reckon that i probably be chided for just closing 3 cases in one whole week, but i didn't. Lucky me. I could have done better yet i was really lazy on last thursday and friday and ended up not closing any cases at all.

Lately, the world cup fever seems to be rubbing less on me. Either its that i have lesses bets now or that the sleepless nights are taking a toll on me.

Had an rather fulfilling weekend. Met up with Minz, Botak and "Peter". Firstly, i was surprised by Botak. Wanted to thank him for the kind gesture but abit weird because, in the end, the invitation didn't exactly was executed so there was nothing i could thank him about too. Except to thank him for at least wanting to invite me???

Even snakie was surprised by the incident.

4pm
Bo: hayo, whaddya doin? any plans? im bored at hm.
Me: im rotting at hm too la.

Me: or u wana catch a movie? me interested in king n clown le. else is road to guantanamo.
Bo: doesnt interests me le.

6.30pm
Bo: oei, u eat liao boh?
Me: y? wanna treat me arh. haha. me on the way to meet minz le. cm out la.

Bo: got food at hm mah, if u haven eat, dan come over.

Had minz msg me at a later time, i would definitely be on my way to Botak's house for dinner. I missed home cooked food!!!

In the end, me, Minz, Botak, Mic, Boon and another guy spent our time catching Germany and Sweden at Meridien.

Last evening was spent with "Peter". Missed him so so so much. Last outing was a year ago lo... before he enter NS. Now, i realised that he changed so much, for the better, definitely! And i just love chatting with him.

Not many people around me are able to 'enlighten' me with their words. He is one of them. Or should i say he is suitable to be one of my soulmates? Not those that involve the love chemistry but purely platonic relationship. Good buddies. That kind of links.

If, im several years younger, say at least 5 years, i will fall for him. He's tall, well build, mature in thinking, fillial, caring, thoughtful and funny. He doesn't lie to you, will just slap you in the face to wake you up if needed, hmm ok la.. maybe not to that extent but will try his best to make you not do foolish things. He definitely is a worthy friend to have.

Then, "Peter" and i met up with I-ta. Woah... though i'm not that close to him but he is another fella whom i missed too. Haha.. in short, people you don't dislike or hate, you will miss them in one way or another. Hee... another reason is that he still remembers me after such a long absence. Haha.. always feels good that the people whom u remember, remembers u back.

Later, i have movie date! Yeah!! haha.. with "Peter" lo.. Not easy to find someone with the same movie taste as me recently. Luckily i still have him. Lolx...

Gosh, been idling since duno what time... morning was very hardworking till after lunch time, energy level dropped drastically then mins ago, my colleagues and i were all at the recept area chit chatting. =p Halfway through my entry i went to join in the fun. haha...

And this is my Monday.

grumbles/complains/happy?

I'm counting down the no. of days left to celebrate Mic's birthday. It is going to be one of the biggest celebration and craziest night. Bottles opening are still counting. Chivas, vodka, Martell... geez...

No. of people going? 30 and still counting. Next saturday will be another day rotting at home. Recuperating.

Yesterday was a bad night. Truly bad.

I should have just heed to my inner voice, head home and enjoy the matches, counting my winnings.

Yet, i succumb to Mic and allow myself to be convinced to head down to MOS. Gosh, wonder what comes over me to say yes.

Guess i kinda spoil the night by not enjoying myself and being so defensive. Rather embarassing i would say and i kinda dislike myself for behaving that way. Discriminating and very very defensive and perhaps rude.

Do i feel sorry? Actually not... Guess first impression really made a big difference. Had he not said about heading elsewhere with just the two of us, i guess i would have treated him differently. Or as a matter of fact, if he was single, i would not have such reaction. Not that i like him or whatsoever. I DO NOT FANCY HIM AT ALL. Just that, all the more knowing married guys still behaving like this pissed me off greatly.

Where have the boundaries all gone to?

Ok, maybe this some kind of adult language, all out to have fun only. Still, it is unfair.

I have learnt a lesson from myself. I'm tired. Sick and tired.

People around been telling me that woman DO need a companion one. Saying that i won't hold for long.

But how am i suppose to let myself to love someone without any inhibitations after what is shown to me?

Even to the guy i fancy now, I'm afraid.

f**k.

Oh well... i have yet to sober up.

And I'm contradicting myself.

Apart from the slight unhappiness last night, before i left the office, my mood was happy i would say.

Somehow, the msn chat had amazing made my feverish state disappear.

I remember the first date was at Coffee Club. Then we headed for a walk to the Esplanade. Subsequently he brought me to Arab street.

Second meeting was when he decided to drop by to O bar, all the way from Muddy Murphy which is at Orchard. I was elated when he voiced out that he wana drop by.

Third time was i jio him down to MU.

Then, fate drawn us together not once but twice.

Co-incidence? Very!!!

First chance meeting was on a friday. I was at bugis, waiting for Mic and then the next thing i know, he called me. Chatted a while and a surprise attacked me.

He gave me a peck on the cheeks before he left with his friends and infront of all my ex colleagues and superiors. I was so stunned and very very surprised and keep 'tao zui'.

Then, the second occassion was when Mic and i decided to head down to MOS, while on the way down, he msg me saying he's at clarke Q. What fate!

Last meeting was just a simple dinner at my workplace.

And i missed him so.

I'm an idiot. Haaha..

Anyway, i must agree. With the years counting, mentality really does change alot. Slightly more in control and not as lost as before. Easier to let go of certain things. Life still goes on. The earth is still rotating.

Hmmm.. another complain before i end this chapter?

Snakie can't make it to the company trip after all.

What am i suppose to do????

Stuck with that H????

I just can't imagine sharing the same room with her.

This can't be happening.

I can't even communicate with her at work!

ARGH!!!

Updates-Part 2

Since the start of the world cup i have not been writing as often. My energy been spent concentrating on the matches. Ok ok.. ya i did bet abit la.. just for the fun of it. haaha.. moreover it excites the game further. Thank goodness that my losses have been recouped.

I have lotsa thoughts to pen down. Some stuffs happened and i was thrown into a pool of confusion, fear and insecurity. Lastly some anger too.

Problem one.

"What is going on? How are things progressing?"

Me: like this lo... friends? Anyway, my mentality changed liao. If it exist, good news lo. Otherwise, i won't die from the absence of it. Though some things we ought to fight for it. Still, it takes two hands to clap together at the same time.

Problem two.

"Is she of any help to u? She's supposed to lighten off your workload."

Me: f*** la.. generation gap. Mind not flexible. Not initiative. Walk off while in midst of conversation. Attitude problem. Hmm.. ok, maybe i wasn't that friendly too but how on earth am i to guide a person who is actually more experienced than i am? Doesn't make sense mah. Besides, it's ridiculous for me to go over and guide her step by step ah. There are so many stages and i don't have that luxury of time to tell her lo. If she encounter any unsure she should be the one who comes over, not me.

Problem three.

Me: Medical condition deteriorating. Must be the frequent drinking. Kellie ask me if i'm ever tired of such life. Yes, i do. In fact, after Mich's birthday party, i will lie low liao.

It's time i allow time for myself. Have not been doing other stuffs which i enjoy. My reading habit. My cooking therapy. My exercise regime. Gosh...

Updates

Haven't been writing lately.

Busy. Very busy. Busy with World Cup that is. Lolx... A lot of happenings in this month. Pay increment then the World Cup. Getting to know some new friends. Clubbed and pubbed most frequently in this month as well. Extremely busy at work due to the 'motivation' and also my dear immed boss is going on a long holiday. Gota cover his work as well on top of my own. Then news of company trip, destination still wobbling between Hong Kong and Bangkok.

Some emotional struggles too. Ain't exactly that positive but not that negative either. But i'm happy that it did happen. Sweet memories. Though may have a bitter aftertaste, i will still opt for it if given a second chance. Nice, sweet, gentlemanly, doting... only minus point... chance at wrong timing.

Last week, Steven did something very hilarious... had me bursting in uncontrollable laughter. Could have fallen from chair had it not been those with arms. Confronted him and he replied saying it's just a joke. Haiz...

What was he thinking???

Enough of those silly affairs.

Back to workplace here, a new colleague is coming to join us this friday. However, Snakie, 6M and i are not very optimistic about her arrival. Bad impression she left on us. Still, it's way to early to judge her. Just pray hard that no clashes. Well, work is still work.

*yawn* very sleepy... geez.. time is sure slow...

I promise myself after this world cup, i must get back to cycling regularly. Maybe i'll change to cycling in the morning. My aim is to over come those bumpy slopes towards Punggol End. Jia You! Jia You! Jia You!

The Capricorn Man

A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jawline. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it. He often shakes his head or touch his hair. He is a big built , but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes' color. He will likely to have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in other Zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman.

His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a long big step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, soyou could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.

He is a good dancer. He is a careful person in instinct, so even at dance floor, he will already have to know what in front or behind him before he will take any steps.

Green is his favourite color. You will mostly see him wear green, navy, blue or brown. In all 12 zodiacs, he is the one who can get the most satisfaction from possession of beautiful thing, and cherish it as if it is very valuable to him even it is just a crystal ball made in France.

It is his luck that he hardly has to chase after woman. They always come themselves without invitation. He likes to treat his guest in his house than visiting his guest at his house. He does not like to be centre of attention, so if you need his help, you will have to look for him. He lives his life in stability and simplicity. Every decision made are already "Sure" and carefully thought out. He will not do what he had been asked to do if he is not interested in doing it. He acts casually but in reality, he's always doing things seriously.

He loves peaceful and quiet environment so in his free time, he will stay at home instead of going out and look for adventure. He loves nature and dreams of a nice and quiet house with lots of trees, or he may dream of a house in a beautiful countryside.

He will let you have freedom and watching you in a distance. If you are over doing something, he will let you know by his icy cold look. He is the perfect lover in all the zodiac for nothing he will not do for his love one. He won't allow people to laugh at him or think he is a joker, so he will spent for himself luxury for what it is worth.

He likes neat and well dressed woman, so do not be a slop if you are dating this guy. If you do that he will lose his face. He is the romantic type who would dance with you under the moon light.

Love will make him shines and you will see it in his face. He will not say it out loud, you have to know it yourself.

brain dead?

Had a few entries previously but deleted them away. Reason? Perhaps i don't want it to be part of my memories when i back in.

Or perhaps i didn't like the way i have written it out.

Can't seem to write to the exact that my mind is thinking.

My thoughts, my feelings...

Kellie has been urging me to be more initiative. To fight for what i want. But do i have the what it takes for the fight?

My conclusion is to let things happen naturally lo..

but still... like what?

I'm lost. And confused.

What am i seeking for???

Hmm... actually... the feeling been good lo. That's it. In any way, just to make sure i have a gain and not a lost. Right? A friend gained is better than a friend lost.

Okie... that should be the way.

Well, apart from these, good news are in the air.

Firstly, this dumbo writing here has got an increment of which she was so shocked upon hearing it, she never catch properly the exact figure she will be getting. Stupid right? Just went blur, stun and said ok. Thank you.

*faint*

The faintest idea is that, it's a huge jump. Not that much in the end, yet, it's something. Finally, efforts been paid off.

Second and lastly, it's 90% confirmed that we will have a company trip in September to Hong Kong. Yeah... but it's only 90% confirmation la... why? Because i understand our Mr. Teddy Bear too much. He always has last minute affairs which will change it. I'm crossing my fingers. =p

Geez... have i been too happening lately? Since she was slightly better and had return to stay at her own house, i have been staying put at home, dedicating my time to the anime Joshua had lend me.

Then out of the blue, the anime are now resting in one corner of my living, untouched.

Been clubbing, pubbing and watching midnight movies.

Then the planning of trip to JB, just the four of us, Steven, Botak, Michelle and me. The trip kinda got Mic and i all excited for some dumb reasons. haahaa..

This month gona be slow and torturing... Andy going away for a week, which means i have to cover his duties... ARGH... does that mean i have to work till 7plus??? Strong feeling, yes!

*faint* again

Aquarius Women

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or to be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader, a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks its a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.

She likes a COOL guy who sometimes act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show her his own confident. She likes to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do things differently from other people in her same society. She dares to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.

Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone,she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cherry and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "faith" in the word "love".

She has more men friends and women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "freedom" so before and after marriage, her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her , even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is "right", so if you argue with her, let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she says "it's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can pissed her badly. When she is sad, be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let her to talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many types of jobs because she believes what a man can do, i can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love a "working woman" then you will be ok.

If she mad, find a shelter for a "hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not the revenge type and will not think of "pay back" time. Most people might think of her as "one of a guy", but in fact she is 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice to her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

The Aquarius Man

Hot-hearted man who likes to do thing his way. He can suddenly decide to do something without thinking of it's outcome. He is this type of guy with an insider energizer, so if you fall in love with this type of guy be "patient", even if you have to follow hin a bit. His creative could create fantastic idea any time. If you do not understand or can not follow him, you won't be with him for long.

A man in this zodiac will less likely to have pale skin, and if he has a scar, it would be on his face or on his head. He moves very fast and very energertic, and he has a very self confident in himself. He is not the type to sit down and feel sorry or regret anything for long, especially with "love". He loves justice. He dares to show his opinion or even argue about certain subject even he knows it might bring him problems. A straight forward type of guy.

He hardly lies except if he think it is necessary and he is not a good liar anyway. He will not lie to you about serious matter, but if he lie only a small thing. He is gifted with the ability to be a very social person. He could talk even about subject that he has no knowledge of. He interests only at the present time and look at the world positively. Many times he feels hurt because of reality, but he will not run away and he will overcome that diffculty.

Even he is a high and self confident type and center his own thought as a main focus, but at the same time he is kind, cute and polite guy. He certainly is not a mean person. He likes to help people who are in troubles even he is not asked to. He is the type who feels sorry if you remember bad things he said to you that he had already forgotten, but you did not. Believe him that he is very sorry and give him another chance.

Once he decides to do something, he will put all his mind and energy in it either in his "work", or "love". He is the type who gamble everything inthe casino, so do not take him there. He does not like pessimistic, low energy, and depress person, especially no brain. Strangely he like to overpowered this type of people to assure that he is more superior.

He like to be the first person to do something. You can see sparkling in his eyes, once he meet a new target or a new lover. Once he is in love, he will act as if he never has love like this before. This minute he could be a real sugar sweet, and later he could also be icy cold, but do not blame him for that will only chase him away. He could fall in love again with another girl and act again likehe never has this kind of love before. He could really love someone, but not a heart broken type for he thinks love is "excitement" and "love goes on".

If you date this kind of guy, do not or avoid showing your face to him with a face pack, face mask, always be presentable, nice and cute. If he is quiet not because he is shym but he is only quietly thinking. If you have a chance to ask his X-girlfriend, she will tell you he is not the shy or quiet type. If he is really and truly in love with you, he will never lie to you at all. How do you know if he loves you, bet on your faith! Love him and treat him steadily and do not try to find anything to argue with him, he will be with you for sure.

If you are his lover or girlfriend and need to tell him something, go and say it out loud and straight forward because he hate long boring story. He hate to play games, chasing for love or being chased, so let him call you first. He likes a confident woman who also a good follower. If he gets mad at you, let him be for only a short time he will be normal again. You have to like and be able to get along with his friends, but he does not have to do so with all your friends.

Don't ever think you could make him jealous by flirting with other man, he will just leave instead making a scene because he is a confident man and has to be the first in everything.

Thank You Terrence.

It's fate that i came across your webby. I would say you kinda have me jolted out of the present situation i am living in right now. I have been too passive about almost everything. Easily defeated. Trying to act tough.

I am still trying to act tough. That is because i only wanted to strengthen myself. I don't want to be weak anymore.

You are right. Sometimes we just need to be reminded. Hard work and determination. 2 necessary traits.

I have found what i should be looking for.

Thank you.

Some Things Just Never Change

Had a minor surprise earlier during lunch time.

Almost 3 years of absence and sHe hasn't change abit.

Wondering if sHe still remembers me.

Loof

Finally went to the Loof last night. Nice ambience. But kinda reminds me of AB and Balcony. A pretty relaxing place to hang out. Especially when the service is good. At least the guy who served us.

We were at the outdoor area when the sky became unfriendly to us. But we were told that the indoor area was fully occupied. We never voice out to him to reserve place for us but he took the initiative to inform us a while later that there was a place available. Then, moments later, he presented us with a dollar coin whom he believed that we have dropped earlier on. Well, Michelle did had her bag emptied onto the sofa earlier on because she had forgotton to zip it. We were rather surprised that he was so honest enough to return the coin.

Then when Alvin reached, he approached him and upon realising he's meeting two gals, he showed him to our table. Very attentive guy.

And there and then he came asking if we need anymore drinks etc. Lastly, biding us a cheerful goodbye when we leave the place.

Now that is what i call SERVICE.