happy? elated? more than that...

how would you feel when the person you remember, remembers you too but forgotton your name or just have slight remembrance of you. Neutral feelings?

but how would you feel when you least expect the person to even remember your name, able to say your name out? Especially after a absence of 9 years?

deep inside my heart, i can only say thank you for remembering me.

you have made my day yesterday.

thank you, Kelvin.

i remember those days. that was after my 'O' levels. my first decent job. and i got to know all of you.

Sharon, Kelvin, Kelvin Neo, and there's another Kelvin, Eric, Shaiful, and subsequently, Jennifer, Shu Er, Jingwei, Thomas, Liang Fu, David and alot more of others...

i miss you all.

sick of it

when in good terms, it doesn't matter at all.
but when it's over and done with, can't wait to cast away.

is that the way it is or it should be?
heartless and unfeeling.

but why does it still seem that its not forgotten at all?
because of the seemingly lingering affection that she senses.
can't blame her for being sensitive, isnt it?

just please stop doing the things that are suggestive.
please stop.

is it really that coincidental?

Blind??!!!

I'm fainting. After each and every round of the superband contest, all i see is the better bands leaving the stage. Jade, Jing Bao and now... Amber...

WTF. Are the people out there really blind? Its so hard not to think that the people may be bribed to vote.

I'm not going to name that particular band for i know, all of you know who it is. The further you are entering into the contest, the more enemies you are going to have. lolx... You have neither the 'real thing' and you all can't really sing. As a group, i don't see anything at all to interest me. I kinda pity the one who can perform in the group though. You are being dragged down by those who can't perform. The rest of them are stiff, can't actually carry a tune and can't dance decently as well. Come on, this is supposed to be a contest. Not a charity show. What we want is to see the best of the best emerging out and not being presented with the 'normals'.

Okay, enough of the blabbings...

Apart of these negative clouds around, i must say.. great job to the rest of the guys. Soul, J3, and of coz Ice Milo.

It's a nice feeling to see them improving by leaps.

I'm still 'voting' for J3 though i have this feeling that they might lose out to Ice Milo.

But... the guys' voices are really really great.

In fact, there are the only group whose singing tactics are the best.

=p i can be so biased. lolx...

My Day or Not My Day

It's not my week... firstly, earlier this week, i forgotten to bring my cig out when heading to work. Then the next day, i left my cig inside the pocket of my jacket which i left in office. Today, i left my handphone at home. ARGH!!!!!

And i have to lunch alone. Armed with only wallet and cig. I feel so empty. Can't get hold of darling to lunch with me because no collection of no. at all. And i have to try so hard to see the time on other people's hand in order to keep track of time and not over abused my lunch time. Though i could have just asked for the time but felt kinda embarrassed to ask.

But then, things wasn't so bad after all.

After shopping at watsons, i saw Ah Heng, chatted with him for awhile, and then i saw my darling. Haaha...

What happened next was i really abused my lunch time.

We talked about our latest tattoo, haiz, how soon she recover from it whereas i'm still peeling when apparantly her's is a much bigger design than mine. And it was my second tattoo and it's only her first attempt. Blah blah blah ... =p

Then, we chatted non-stop over our craziness of 'Devil Beside Me'. Haaha...

I tried to convince her to switch her concentration to Rain instead because i'm absolutely sure that if she can 'fall in love' with Ah Meng, she will do the same to Rain.

He's simply gorgeous, charming and the 'oh-so-sweet' expression.

Such fairy tales can have us occupied the entire day.

We wish so much for time to quickly pass by and let us be reunited with our telly at home.

She's done with 'The Last Stand' and it's my turn tonight. But after listening to what she had shared with me about the movie, i have a feeling i might cry tonight. It was like, how can they just died??!! Erm... i don't really like Scot in the first place, so its not him that i'm sad about. But it's Charles. Geez... He's one of the main pillar of the show. I guess, because it's the end already and it's inevitable that some characters have to go. Still, can't it be others?..

Oh well, there's nothing can be done. Just hope that overall the show won't disappoint me.

Back to the real world now, i'm a little worried about snakie now. I wonder how's her medical checkup this morning. Does she really have to go for the surgery? If so, i have to be really prepared for the tons of work coming. Can't imagine what will the office be like when she's not aroound. How am i going to handle that big teddy bear in our office??!!!

He already made me so pissed this morning. 'Keline, please call Gur and Leonard and get them on the line so that i can talk to them.' Hmpf, whose the real handicapped' here! Then, 'please call them and tell them to mention the matter on my behalf'. What the... Then he disappeared not long after lunch, citing reason wife is sick at home. Ya ya ya... as if 6M and i are 3 years old kids. That we will be innocently believing that you are going home when as a matter of fact, you are heading somewhere to enjoy yourself and drinking lots and lots of liqour again. That spray of perfume has given him away. Hmpf.

And that my other boss.

Fine, i'll just surf my time away ...

p/s: can't wait to be home n reunited with my 'precious' and head out meet the guys... esp joshua for the round two of anime he's lending me. Heehee.. gosh, he's spoiling me with his collection.

The Last Stand... Finally...

Yippy... X men this friday nite... i'm so excited...

=)











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Something had been on my mind since the start of this month.

And i've been waiting and waiting.

It's going to be another week before this month comes to an end.

Well, i just hope it is not forgotten.

New Permanent Resident

Finally, a year later, i've got my second tattoo. And now, i'm searching for designs for the third one. Had in mind where to place the third one. Now deciding if i should stop at 3 or should proceed and stop at fourth instead. Original plan was to have 4. But my cousin told me before, 3 is the maximum one should go, otherwise it won't be nice. Hmmm...

And that was my weekend, tattooing and watching 'Full House'. And now i know why there are so many people crazy about rain. Haahaa.. coz he's really charming.

I have never really favour korean drama. In fact, since the korean fever, this is the second drama that i watched from the start till the end. The first was 'All about Eve'. Korean drama are to me, draggy and too much tears.

I need comedy.

Geez... work is killing me these days. Stuffs are piling up. Clients are pissing me. I need a break. And it doesn't help that i have difficulty in arranging the outing before Joshua enter NS, and time is running out. What should i do.

Anime Anime and more Anime pleasesss....

=p what a weekend specially dedicated to anime. Haaha.. im done with Saiyuki-Requiem & Samurai Deeper Kyo. Now in the middle of Descendants of Darkness and Recca.

just realised i sound pissed recently in the blog.

past few entries were made because of some agitations.

by a good friend.

by idiotic clients.

this is bad.

even during lunch today, topic revolves around some asshole.

is there anything good at all to come?

maybe i should just bury myself into drinking tonight.

have some fun and made merry and let the night goes by.

then tomorrow will be a day specially dedicated to 'Saiyuki'.

and i still have many others to follow up. samurai kyo etc... by the generosity of mr. joshua.

but. another part of me urges me not to turn up tonight.

should i or should i not.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

my mind kinda wanders off suddenly while watching saiyuki last night.

somehow part of me begins to understand better why she's unwilling to let go.

sense of belonging.

she needs that sense of belonging that he is giving her.

smtime back, i detest him. for being wishy washy. for being undecided. for still being so nice and good to her, misleading her of his intention. prolonging the suffering.

it's not a sin being too gentle.

but it's a hurt too much to bear in time to come.

i don't detest him as much now.

because as much as he knows very well he is no longer inside that relationship, he is finding the path leading back to it. for the least, he is trying.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Slience is TRULY golden

If you have nothing else sensible to speak up, please keep your mouth shut.

If you are going to repeat what you have just said, shut up your mouth too.

And understand why i can be so quiet at times.

And please LISTEN and not just hear.

I need to let it out.

Am so angry.

Haven't felt like this for some time.

Blood is REALLY boiling.

Quit saying that it's for my own good.

Stop using your standards to deem what is good for me.

I know what i want to do with my life.

You have that kind of drive and ambition, good for you.

You can be a millionaire or even billionaire in time to come, good for you.

I just don't want to be drown in $, can?

Yes, we all do want $ and lots and lots of it.

So what?

I choose when i want a breakthrough in my life.

Not you.

You have your own leading path and it belongs to you solely. Not mine.

Don't attempt to lead my life the way you want.

You do not have the authority. None at all.

You have a backup plan, that's great.

I'm contented with what i have now.

NO means NO.

& GET OUT OF MY LIFE IF YOU WANNA KEPT PUSHING ME INTO THAT BUSINESS OF YOURS.

Not that i despise or whatever, not giving you face or a chance to expose myself.

The point is, i'm not interested at all.

NOT INTERESTED! NOT INTERESTED!

You wanna deem me as narrow minded or what, up to u.

You should know by now, nobody can influence me unless i gave them the pass.

So if you still wanna retain the friendship, i'll welcome only with the absence of that business talk of yours.

falling into another realm of confusion and denial.

stand was pretty strong till... till... perhaps the foundation wasn't that stable afterall. what i have believed in had failed me.

what do u want and wish to achieve at the end of the day?

u came out of that shell only to crawl back once more.

is that what u want?

stability was there till u deserted it.

and now u want it back.

yet, when that chance came, u reject again.

then u finally know, it's impossible because there is one missing element in it.

mistakes should let one learn from it.

not jump into again.

there is this 'nagging' from someone.

but im hesitating in giving this chance.

i know i cant.

i'm stuck between this chance and starting new.

Painful Weekend

Coming to work this morning with a body full of pain and ache. ARGH!!

Been wanting to get an mc and stay home and zzz but thankfully i had not listened to my wilful side. Otherwise i won't know how long it will take to finish my work tomorrow when i'm back.

Weekend has been rather fun in some ways yet alittle disgusted in another. Oh well, unhappy stuffs aside.

Saturday night was spent celebrating Ting's belated birthday at Shin. Had a fun time with the games and seeing friends i had not seen for awhile. Joshua, Alvin aka botak. Sheron and of course, the main character of the party, Ting.

Sunday was then off to shopping. Again. But, it's a different type of shopping. Haahaa.. a rather dangerous shoppping trip i would say. Cause Mic and i were off to shopping at City Square at JB.
Many people had warned about heading to JB. No doubt there is a certain amount of risk there, but that risk is not going to deter me from heading there. Perhaps, not going there to shop alone lo as i have always wanted to do but to find at least a companion.

We had a Thai massage which had me in pain and ache today. Was told that i will suffer a little pain but the aftermath will be great. Yet, my colleague told me i wasn't supposed to be feeling the pain. ARGH...

There wasn't enough time for me to really rejuvenate. In short, hadn't have as much sleep as my body should have acquired. I'll just have to wait till this coming long weekend to compensate my lost zzz. That is if i'm not indulging myself in the anime that Joshua lend me. Heehee...

Mind/Heart in a mess

Yesterday after knocking off i had decided to do some groceries shopping at PS. Had i not determined to finally buy the stuffs that i needed, i definitely won't be in a mess. Why shouldn't i allow my 'delaying mood' to postpone the shopping trip once more. If so, i won't have seen him at the mall at all.

Of all the unexpected, i bumped into him at the walkway.

Before seeing him, i still know what i was doing. But after seeing him, a hi and bye, i found myself unable to think properly, in a lost and kinda stuck at a spot where i can't seem to move forward. Just wanna continue standing there like an idiot. Sounds pretty much like drama hor, but it's true. That kind of feeling whereby you would just stare blankly there and not moving.

Didn't expect myself to have such lost feelings when i just saw him a couple of days ago. Perhaps that day was because i have been prepared that i would likely to see him so my feelings are rather controlled and not like yesterday, the sudden appearance.

Oh well... maybe the good thing is that there are still people out there who can increase my heartbeat. lolx... only that i'm not sure if it's for real for a long long time or just like passing rain clouds.

"Will U Come Back"

Have been in a stunned mood since saturday. After a phone from 'him'. Not that i have not expected that answer from him, just that i truly wish that there is a miracle to what i have guessed.

"something happened last night. i raked up the matter of divorce"

"but right now, everything is kinda on track again. i'm going to move out for about 2 mths and have told her to give me more personal space to think matters over"

"do u still love her?"

"no"

Hated to be caught in such a situation.

One is my good pal.

The other, erm, acquaintance lo.

And love is diminishing between them.

What else can i do to make her come to her senses and let go.

What can i do to help him find back the love he once felt for her.

Deep down, i know suitability is not there. Yet love is blind. Or should i say, the need for companion or possession is there.

People can't bear to be alone.

And pressure from outside or even family to have a decent family, not going through divorce.

Honestly, why can't she understand that from the stand of her dad, he would rather her to give up such a loveless marriage and go on to find a better guy.

To be sad for a moment or to be sad for lifetime.

What had happened once doesn't comes with guarantee that it's doesn't happened again.

Not eating my words now, just that, when something had happened, a second chance is definitely worth to give. A fresh chance is ought to be given. But when it's repeating again and again, is it worth giving chances again that often?

There ought to be a time to move on and not running on the same spot.

Right now, i can only pray hard that the result of these 2 mths of 'thinking' will yield something good out of it.