C.A.N

Been awhile since i last stepped into CAN. Was there gossiping with my galpal and realised she is really one amazing woman. Her magnanimous had me in awe of her. I just wish all the best for her. Let the good things befall onto her and let the unfortunate be gone.

Greyish Morning

The morning sky as i see out from my office this morning is kinda gloomy and looks threatening with rain. But the tinted windows cheated me many times. The feelings that comes with the gloomy sky is restless and at times, down. A kind of sadness might just sweep through you, leaving you in daze.

Yet, this time round, the feelings didn't cheat on me.

Moments later, i got a sms from AY, his brother had just succumbed to cancer in earlier hours.

Two funerals within a month. One i couldn't attend. One im attending with the rest of my colleagues.

Time For New Brands

I have taken interest in another brand and that is fancl. Surprisingly the prices are not as pricey as i thought they would be. Unless the web's info is not reliable. lolx...

Kahn

The man here suddenly came in my image. So far, the one and only footballer whom i truly admire though his capabilities had seem to be rolling downhill. Still, he's the best goalkeeper whom i ever regard. Guess alot of people out there must be thinking i have stamps stamped on my eyes. Lolx...

This is the year of World Cup again... predicted sleepless nights to come and hmm... should i or should not bet... hahaha... the thrill of winning... not forgetting the losses that i had incurred at the last WC.

Now then my office is located directly above a betting centre, geez... and plus my boss, cy and ks, they are avid 'gamblers' too... Gosh... let self control be strong.

Movies

I was surfing the net about this movie, reading the critics and reviews. All the more i can't wait to watch this. i guess i have always been drawn to such controversial titles.

This is the other movie which i had wanted to catch too. But missed it. Now, i can only scout for the vcd.

Title: Mysterious Skin

This was the movie which i caught sometime late last year which i didn't quite figure it out.

The Bow. But i love the music.

*M Apppointment

I have an appointment scheduled this late afternoon. But i have to postponed it because i did not apply any leave or time off at all from my boss. Part of me didn't want to turn up for this appointment. Yet part of me still trying hard to convince myself to attend it. Guess i will make the call later to postponed it to the weekend. I had enough of leave and mc for the month. Don't wish to affect my work anymore.

End of Day Thoughts...

I wonder how is my darling doing. The funeral is over by now. I wish so much that i can be of at least some help to him. But the only help i can offer now is not to appear in front of him.

Certain thought overwhelm me when i was watching the news this morning. That the fact being there really won't be peace at all. Wars or terrorism or disasters will always befall on us, one by one. No matter how much we pray or to do good to rid the unwanted. Not that because we can't control nature forces. But rather i was thinking of in another perspective.

Because of the presence of God. Not just the God in the Bible but the different Gods in various kind of religions.

Wondering if anyone can enlighten me on this.

Like for example, the God in the Bible does not allow competition. So the followers must only pray to Him and alone. He does not have allowance for a rival. And so, those who believe in others were destined for doom. They were punished. And somewhere in the chapters of Genesis or was it Exodus, that God lead Moses and the followers away from the clutches of the Egyptians, He created war and he made the Egyptians stubborn and he made them bad as i see it.

And from what i interprete, he create War.

And there was a recent dispute over at some countries, people were rioting and that they were just acting accordingly to their prophets.

I always wonder what has the faith of their religion lead them to? Because the facts almost always shown that trouble arises from them.

I wish to elaborate more but erm... well as i type further, i realised i might get myself into trouble. So there i was deleting and re-typing and repeating the process till i got kinda sick of it.

Geez... talk about the freedom of speech.

Felt Happy...

I had a piece of good news from galpal yesterday morning. Felt happy for her that her obstacles had somewhat been overcome. It's not easy for 2 persons to be together. The effort in maintaining a love relationship and in building a family in time to come.

I can't wait for friday to come for me to meet her. Time for our regular dosage of gossips, gossips and gossips.

**Heaven seems to be fond of manipulating my mood lately. One moment my eyes can be watery for sadness and the next it became tears of joy. And then again tears of 'yi2 han4'.

2nd Chance?

Fate drawn me back to my old blog this morning and i chance upon a reply which if i never click the link, i'll prob never know of it's existence.

I do not know if i had made the right choice. But i know, if i never send that msg, i'll regret further. That reply made me realise how foolish i truly was. I miss that friendship.

We all often fall down and it's important that we knew how to pick ourselves up. Just that prob i had fallen down too many times at the same old spot.

I wish the friendship can be build up again. If not, at least i had tried.

Greedy me...

Snakie and i had with the permission of our dearest boss, opened the hamper our client had given us. So during the absence of our bosses, we had convieniently helped ourselves to the goodies as well. Hahahaha... reason? 'Haiya.. he doesn't even know what's inside the hamper, what does it matter if we take some home anyway.' Oopss..

And now whats inside my bag are a bottle of cabernet sauvignon, a box of shitake mushrooms and a can of pineapples. =p

Shattered

Its hard for me to do this entry. I feel so much to cry out loud. My eyes are watery. My emotions right now is like a hurricane... swirling and swirling... i wish i can cry now but i can't because im still in the office and its yet to be noon.

All because of a sad news i received this morning. My best bud's father had passed away.

The worse is... i can't visit my dearest darling and pay my last respects to the man who attended to my injuries numerous times.

For countless times i sprained my ankle and twisted my wrist, his father was the man for me.

Because of jealousy, because of misunderstandings that i can't pay my last respects for someone whose son was my soulmate, the best bud i can ever have.

How cruel can one gets?

...

In fit of anger i said alot of hurtful and angry words yesterday. Now that i have said my piece, just wanna let the bygones be bygones. Thats they way it should be isn't it?

You get hurt, get angry, shouted and screamed and just let it be over.

End of this chapter and proceed on.

I was refuted with 'some things you can't control'. Ok, i admit there are alot of things we can't control but whats the point of thinking in things which resulted in only sadness. I don't get it. Humans can just be so dumb. And i give up in explaining anymore.

This is the last of it and no more.

***********************************************************************************

Finally, wkend is coming... was hoping to catch Brokeback Mountains but since the purse strings gota tighten abit, i guess i'll just wait till i have my pay.

Extremely Pissed

Im angry im pissed.

I want to think of the beautiful of this world im living but yet im presented with all kinds of ugliness. Different shapes and sizes of ugliness are swarming at me in all directions.

I had innocently thought that after sometime things will slowly revert back to normal. At least back to the friends stage. Let time heal everything. I believe in time heals. Yet i wasn't given a chance to do so. I was denied of. I was being thrown into confusion. FUCK OFF MAN!!!

Look here, u want to be a coward, go ahead. U want to indulge in your failure and refuse to move, by all means be my guest. U think you are suffering? U think u are living in hell? Yea rite, go on thinking u are the only poor damn soul in this planet.

Issue is past and gone and i simply want to get on with my life. Im only fighting for what i want. And i wanted peace. U? Barge into my life again and gone without making urself clear what the fuck u are bloody saying. Go to hell. I know im mean. I know im rude with my words. Because u jolly well deserve it. How many times have u contradict urself in front of me. Im sick of this and very glad that u r indeed disappearing for good.

U have the right to think im not putting myself in ya shoes. So do i.

I need time to calm myself down. How much time. For fuck i know how long i need to recover. If i know so much probably i can be a fortune teller and predict stuffs for the public.

I had enough of your childishness, impractical and accusations.

I blamed you and i don't deny. But that doesn't mean i don't blame myself too. How much do you know about me. How much do i know about you. I tried hard not to have myself in the world only. I tried to think in all areas. U think i didn't. U want to be so narrow minded. Go ahead.

Do upon others what u want others to do upon u. U reap what u sow.

Im no saint. Im not a christian. Im just a human being with numerous flaws trying everyday to improve myself and be happy.

I don't want to bring myself into bearing grudges. Whats done cant be undone and so be it.

I swear and i curse. And i do swear alot. I don't see the need to hide this fact. And that doesn't i enjoy swearing. I want to change this habit. But if i can change immediately with a flick of sec, that's bullshit. Im in process. Everyone is in one way or another in their very own processes. Such a simple theory and yet it doesnt appear to me that u understand.

Im sick of people claiming of all sorts and their true self doesn't at all tally with the real figures.

U think u had truly care for me? Bullshit. If u had, there should be a 'how r u feeling' msg. But no, there isn't. Actions speak louder than words.

And you probably thinking, 'yes i was worried sick. You had no bloody idea how worry i was' And don't you accuse me of not caring and worrying. oh ya? There isn't a sign which says u are.
Why? Whats the problem? Because of ur cowardness. Because of you not wanting to face the damn reailty.

Its just like crying over spilled milk. Crying over the loss of milk. Crying over the messiness of the floor.

Im sorry i don't bring myself to belong in this category. I will cry. I don't deny. But i will only allow myself to cry for a short while and just get a piece of cloth to wipe away the mess and get myself another fresh glass of milk.

Im not like you appearing to cry and wait for help to arrive.

Im sure you are denying this accusation.

I thought i would be very sad at this lost of a friend. But surprisingly im happy. No words can describe why.

Oh.. and i still hate you.

I've come to realise that im surrounded by people who often have false promises or either they dont practise what they preach.

It's ok. Life is full of imperfections anyway.

Blog Surfing Again...

Proverbs 31:10-31 says, "If you can find a truly good wife, she is worth more than precious gems!(*side note-AMEN!) Her husband can trust her, and she w ill richly satisfy his needs. She will not hinder him, but help him all her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She buys imported foods, brought by ship from distant ports. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household, and plans the days' work for her servant girls. She goes out to inspect a field, and buys it; with her own hands she plants a vineyard. She is energetic, a hard worker, and watches for bargains. She works far into the night! She sews for the poor, and generously gives to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for she has made warm clothes for all of them. She also upholsters with finest tapestry; her own clothing is beautifully madea purple gown of pure linen. Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council chamber with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments to sell to the merchants. She is a woman of strength and dignity, and has no fear of old age. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule for everything she says. She watches carefully all that goes on throughout her household, and is never lazy. Her children stand and bless her; so does her husband. He praises her with these words: 'There are many fine women in the world, but you are the best of them all!' Charm can be deceptive and beauty doesn't last, but a woman who fears and reverences God shall be greatly praised. Praise her for the many fine things she does. These good deeds of hers shall bring her honor and recognition from even the leaders of the nation."

Qualities to look for in a woman/man

Qualities I must adopt to be the godly wife/husband

Verse 11-He/She is trustworthy.

Verse 12-He/She brings good not harm to the other person.

Verse 13- He/She works with eager hands.

Verse 14-15- He/She provides for others.

Verse 16- He/She is savvy and has good business sense.

Verse 17- He/She is a strong person.

Verse 18- His/Her lamp does not go out.

Verse 20- He/She extends their hands to the needy.

Verses 21-22- He/She is well prepared.

Verse 23- He/She brings respect to the other person.

Verse 24- He/She is innovative and has knowledge.

Verse 25- He/She has dignity.

Verse 26- He/She has wisdom and faithful instruction.

Verse 27- He/She has situational awareness.

Verses 28-29- He/She is praiseworthy.

Verse 30- He/She fears the LORD.

I Corinthians 13:4-5

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS.”

Colossians 3:13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.

“And ye be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is not an emotion but a decision. It doesn’t always feel good to forgive and it is not always easy. But we must decide to forgive.

This blog has good reads...

http://nitinsharma100.blogspot.com/

Surfing again...

This extract caught my eye while surfing...

Reason, Season and Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, ora lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

They have come to assist you through adifficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at aninconvenient time, this person will say or dosomething to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.

Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life...

PRAYER: May today there be peace within you.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received,and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.

Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun.

It is there for each and every one of you.

Touched...

I was touched by a blog this morning. =) *you know who you are*

As much as there are many 'sux' people around in this world, there are as many good and sincere ones around. I appreciate their presence very very much.

I can't wait for our drinking session. Heehe...

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and
laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Another few interestings blogs...

I'm marking these blogs so i won't miss it... at least for now i find it rather interesting... but i specially love the first blog i'm marking because i find the pics all very tastfully taken.

http://lifeinstillmode.blogspot.com/


http://dog-ear.blogspot.com/

'Lover's Day' Part II-Idling in office

Geez, is it because it's a special day which explains why the office is so quiet today? My immed boss is out early. My other big boss wasn't even in. All celebrating Valentine's Day... haahaa..

Anyway, today has been a rather fun day. Firstly, snakie and i made ourselves truly 'auntie'. We were shopping around the Arcade when we saw diet cokes were given out for free. We were debating whether we should join the queue when i chided her for being so 'auntie' and the next minute i actually psycho her into the queue. Then i told her we should queue again in another line so we get more. 'True auntie spirit'

Then as we were heading back to the office, we passed by the soy milk counter which the fragrant it was emitting out was so nice i couldn't help wondering if i should get it anot till i saw the queue and was put off by it. Then snakie asked why don't i just queue since we had queue for the coke. Well, point is, i have to pay for the soy milk mah... lolx...

Wonder if its the age catching up on us, while chatting over lunch, she was qouting my married frd young which i don't feel so, True that she is younger than both of us, yet being married at the age of 24 is still not consider that young, isn't it? More like just nice... and we are getting not young.. hee..

Back to my reading therapy, i'm now in the middle of Exodus. Mostly talk about Moses how Lord lead him and about the Ten Commandments. Seems like a rather long chapter, wonder when i'm going to finish on it.

Wish me luck and endurance and patience... haha..

Lover's Day

Two 'lovers day' within a month. And i'm celebrating with me, myself and keline. Hahaaha...
Actually, i don't really mind anymore. No doubt the desire for being doted, loved and care for is still there but i would rather do without it for the love package often comes with 'burden' as well. It's not easy for two people to be together. One moment we may understand each other well and able to communicate freely but another minute? Things might change 180 degrees. This is what i hate. The lack of understanding to communicate well when one is subject to stress and agony. And when each other begin to take their partners for granted, the tolerance level starts to dip lower than one can imagine.

My galpal called me yesterday after crying for an entire night. All because her husband had commented that he felt that he 'dui bu qi' her. He claimed he still loves her but don't understand why he seems to be unable to treat her as good as before like in the dating years. Now that they are married, things have mellowed so much. She felt very insecure.

I don't understand, why claim to love someone yet that power of love you are holding still not enough to hold the strings together?

It's hard work, hard work and hard work to maintain a love relationship let alone a marriage. To make known the love, actions must not be neglected. Still, the effort maintaining it always its '3min heatness'.

I only wish that things go well between them.

Don't wish to appear so pessimistic here. Of course when love comes knocking at one's door, do look through the peephole and have a good look. After a thorough scanning and slowly open the door to the person. We don't want to miss the knock, do we?

Maybe when i'm ready again to open the door for some one, i won't be so skeptical about love anymore.

Cheesecake

My first cheesecake experience had failed. Well, in my standard though. Although it was still consider edible and quite nicely done yet it wasn't cheesy enough. Seems more like a sponge cake with slight cheese flavour. What i truly want was something like the New York Cheese cake. Really full of creamy cheese taste. And besides i think i over baked my cheesecake. Hmm.. conclusion? Never give 100% trust to recipes. U have to give discounts here and then. I have already given discount to the sugar instructions. Otherwise i guess it will be a sweet cake instead.

Nonetheless, it was a nice experience. Curry chicken is what i am going to do this coming weekend. Hee... can't wait for the weekend to come.

A blog that caught my fancy... for now probably...

http://nisa78.blogspot.com/

God vs God

I've had a never before feeling. Maybe because so much things had happened in just two weeks time. We are still in midst of the celebrations of the Lunar New Year, the new year has just begun, yet i felt i've aged alot. Well, just some feelings.

Been starting to re-read the Bible lately. Nah... i'm not exactly a staunch follower. Just that i need something to calm me down. In fact i can't exactly say that i'm re-reading it because this time round, i'm reading the Old Testaments, whereas in the past, it has always been the New Testaments.

I still don't agree with some of the stuff written,yet i don't deny that some of the writings. I'm just done with Genesis. Still a long way to go. And while i was flipping through my 15 years old Bible, some cards fell out. One of them was written, "Guess who we are thinking of now", inside was a piece of reflective paper which vaguely shows the face of the reader. It was written by my cousin who welcomed me to the church at that time. Another card was a appreciation card by a poly classmate. We had a sharing of our thoughts and our beliefs in Lord once and the card was given from her after the sharing. Inside was written, "This is to show my appreciation to you for the sharing. I hope u will continue to walk the path towards God and let God guide you to the right way. And i thank God for this friend." P/S Proverbs 3:5-7 And after Genesis i can't help skipping to Proverbs. The distraction was not so bad. I like Proverbs.

I still consider myself as a free thinker. I follow exactly to no one. I have too many questions inside me to allow devotion to only one Creator of the world. The only thing i will follow is which ever reasons logically and helps to shape the mental and emotional health.

On the other hand, labelling myself as a free thinker don't really make much sense. Firstly, i'm baptised by Holy Spirit, though my attendance of church is at most 3 years. Then, for a period of time, i was a regular to the 'Da Bo Gong' at Loyang. Battle of two different worlds.

...

Whenever a major or a more dramatic incident had taken place, everything else will change. It's just not the same anymore. The past haunts. The future is shakey. The present is a torture.
Peace is no longer within an arm's reach.

****************************************************************************

Was rather free earlier and had surf the net for some recipes. If nothing goes wrong this wkend i will be making cheesecake. Poor snakie will be my guinea pig. Afterwhich i tried to look for the recipe for chicken baked rice. I love the ones served at Swensens. But gosh... the baking needs at least an hr or two... geez... now i have to improvise my own recipe. Well, i guess from now onwards my wkends will be spent flipping through the cookery books and stuffs.

In Mood For Cooking

Something seems kinda wrong with me. Or perhaps i'm sick of the 'reading therapy' lately that i've been turned to cooking instead. Not that i dislike cooking or that i can't even make a simple dish. I can make fried rice, boiled dishes and some simple stir-fried food. & fish just don't belong to my cooking category because firstly, i don't really know how to choose a fish, all i know is to choose those with bright looking eyes and with the flesh being firm to the touch. Secondly, i don't really know how to clean up a fish. True that the fish mongers will help you to clean it up but it's still not 100% 'well done'. Thirdly, i used to love fried fish with the sweet and sour sauce. But because i can't fried a fish properly, always got the skin stuck to the pan, that i got sick of cooking fish. Yet, somehow, when i went to the wet market on saturday morning, i actually made an effort to the fish stall and got myself 2 garoupas. Had steamed fish that very night. The very next day, i had pork ribs soup with potatoes, carrots and onions. Perhaps it's the age that has been quietly catching up on me that prompted me to eat more healthy food. The guilt of consumption of 'bad' food has caught up with me.

I have always love marketing. Don't know why, the fishy smell does not put me off. The slippery grounds does not hinder me.

Blocking off my mind lately...

Been reading alot lately... well since i got myself 4 books during the CNY. Yupz, i went shopping at Borders because of the special promo held during the festive season. Finally got myself the books i've wanted.

The God of Small Things

The Good Earth

Empress Orchid

& another one ... hee... forgot the title... but its by Mark Haddon. From the same guy who gave you the '5 people you meet in heaven.

I'm mesmerising myself in Empress Orchid now... love the settings... the story is intriguing... i'm always in love with stories that revolves around China... just like Wild Swans. I had recommend it to a frd previously and am glad he enjoyed it too.

All these readings will help me to ease my mind and not to wander off...

What's meant to be is not in the end

When you thought you are in the worst situation ever, truth is, it's not. We can only rise our courage to welcome the next wave.

Life can never be fair... and we all reap what we sow... still, there's always room for improvement. If knowing yet refusing to acknowledge and even shutting oneself from hope and chance, there's only doom in the end.