2nd Chance?

The remarks of a newly found friend makes me ponder deep into my thoughts lately. Or should i say the conversation that we shared kinda embedded a string of theories into me. But still, my decision has been made n yes it will stay that way.

I know i've been telling myself to treasure what's surrounding me. Still, when some things are passe, they really are. Starting afresh may be tough but it's ain't impossible. No doubt, we all do crave for a companion to walk with us the rest of the life journey, but that doesn't mean we will wither away just because we don't have one. I was wrong when i chose to give up everything. But i will be worse if i want to resume. Ii'm tired of hurting n being hurt.

Right now, i just want to move on. Close this chapter n scout for another title. I'm on the road of recovering n i never like U-turning.

No matter how long the road is... i'll just keep on walking n walking till the time comes.

HAPPY LONG HOLIDAY

Yippee... it's finally my long awaited break. Yet, am not exactly that please because, ARGH!!! my whole body is aching. Gosh, the results of playing truant to my pilates class for a couple of weeks. & now, i'm suffering. My arms, my tummy n my thighs... =(

Never mind that, now the focus is to truly enjoy my break.

Well the start of the break was great... my first time listening to a live band. Oh man, it was awesome to me. Thanks bro, had u not invited me, i won't know i love it so much. Seeing them play under the glittering night, okie, not exactly a night full of stars though, n the breeze was barely there too. But the music made up for it. It was a very enjoyable date. Felt as though i was in love. In love with the atmosphere. The music. Woah... =) Well, it would be even better if i'm holding hands with someone special... =p haha...

Giving myself time to laze around first before proceeding to the tough tasks around the house. Then i'm off to enjoy myself before i'm back to my desk which is one week later.

Coming november, i'll be less tired. For i'll be giving my 100% to the firm. It was a struggle to decide whether i should quit my part time job after all. =( But after much considerations, i have to. I simply can't jeopardise my full time job n my health, don't i??? & i'll be able to have more time to take care of my dad too. But i'll definitely miss the times there. I guess some things just have to be part of the memories. You can't expect them to be with you throughout the whole of your life, don't ya think so.

Anyway.. holiday, here i come. =)

In Love Again

Yes... I'm in love again. Lolx.

Haha... in love with a plush, that's it.

Been indulging myself into the telly lately, transforming myself into a couch-potato.

& the love with the plush? Well, its a plush that's shown in this drama lar... = Prince who turns into a frog. & i found myself in love with the frog plush in it.

I like this drama. It's a nice feeling to mesmerize myself in fairy tales once more. It's not only the sweet love story that got me hooked, but also the fact that it tickles my funny bone from the start of the show till the end too... yupz, i've finished the whole drama liao. Fast huh... =p (i have a very bad habit. If i'm hooked onto a show, i'll spent the whole night running through the vcds as if there's no tomorrow. So that's why i was able to complete the whole drama within a couple of days time.)

Maybe it does not appeal to others but it sure appeal to me. & since it's a HAPPY ENDING, all the more i have no reason not to fall in love with it.

The characters in the show emphasize alot on 'working hard for the person whom you care, without weighing if it's worth in the end, coz it's the effort spent in making the person happy that counts', touched me alot. Had lotsa thoughts running through my head while watching it.

& the frog plush that was shown in it, somehow caught my attention. I'm crazy about plushie... hee... i had 4 big boxes of soft toys at my parent's house already, yet to shift to my current lodging. =p

& this frog plush? It's a MUST which i wana have. hee... it's another bad habit of mine. I have this 'die die also wana get' attitude when i see smthing i love very much. It's the expression on the plush that make me fall in love with it. Somehow, it will lift your mood up. =) nice feelings.

Dress Code???

Within a month, i've attended a joyous affair and a solemn function. Yet, sad to say i was utterly disappointed with the dress sense of Singaporeans.

I wonder if it's because of the simply 'heck care' attitude or that they have forgotten about the social ettiquette. I kinda blame it on ill bringing up. The people nowadays simply do not have the respect for others, because their eyes see nothing except themselves. Respect for others also means that u are showing respect for oneself.

Lets just quote the wedding dinner for example, dress code = FORMAL

Yet there are still people wearing jeans. Though it's shirt combined with jeans but still, it's not considered formal. It's only smart casual.

Taking care to dress oneself up it's a way of respect. That you are showing you are treating the affair seriously. But apparantly, that's not the case.

And for the funeral... it's a moment meant for mourning for the dead. It's a dark period whereby we are there to bid the final farewell for the dead. And definitely there are some rules to abide to. For example, the simplest rule of all. Dressing code. you are there to mourn. Not for some usual gathering you are going. Colors to note, black, white, dark navy or perhaps khaki n beige. Definitely not yellow, pink or even red!!! Yet, these colours were not only found on the youngsters but the elderly as well.

Maybe my standard of expectation is a tad too high... but still, it disturbed me. Makes me feel all the more these people doesn't know what's respect.

I'm Back on Track

To all my bros n frds out there, this is specially dedicated to all of you for ya concern. =)

Thank you. I'm ok. It's just one of those depressing moments that just had to cross my path.

This is life. The ups & downs you just have to face it and grow up. The emotions you just have to show. Even though we know death is the final destination of a human's life, we still will feel sad when one leave us away. Sometimes, understanding, doesn't necessary mean that we lost the ability to show the emotions we still ought to show.

Oh well... life still must go on. All the more we must treasure what we have now.

Within a month, i've been to a wedding n a funeral. Tasted heaven n hell.

But glad to be alive.

Rest In Peace

21 October 2005 @ 12.33p.m

My grand father had passed away. I knew of the time not because i was informed of. But because i was there when he was took his last breath.

I was never close to my maternal's side of relatives. Or should i say there aren't any relatives whom i'm close to at all besides a couple of my cousins and my late ah ma.

Still, it's weird seeing someone who just lost the ability of breathing the next second.

Suddenly i felt so alone.

I thought i had seen better, know better, understand better.

I thought i had already mastered the art of braving and toughing all situations. how wrong was i...

The seeing of how fragile a human's life is, makes me depressed once more.

It simply reminds me of the closest person ever to me. My ah ma. For the least, my maternal grandparents had their children n even grand children there for them when they breathed the last breath on earth. My ah ma, she had none.

I miss her greatly.

Thinking about her, makes me feel weak once again. Vulnerable and helpless...

Where is the strong front gone to?

Where is the tough me disappear to?

I know i'm getting all too emotional here... yet... this is one time i failed to pull myself out of this hole.

Not when someone passes away right before my eyes...

& the remembrance of my ah ma...

The last few years which i've spent with her...

This morning, as i was making my way to the hospital... the memories started to fill in... my endless trips to the hospital for my ah ma. All seemed like yesterday's happenings...

I'm aware that at least i still have both my parents, my bros, my friends around me.

Yet... i'm still sinking...

Because i still feel so alone.

I need a shoulder badly...

Quit Smoking Campaign

The latest 8days had feature 3 celebrities n their 'quiting smoking' campaign. Hmmm... & i'm telling ya, it's not easy. With all the tempations luring you. No doubt, it's a bomb to obtain the cigarrettes, yet it's not chore to seek them out. Availbility is everywhere, from the kopitiams to the 7-elevens & to the ma-ma shops. & it doesn't help either that your friends are puffing every moment around you.

For me, the longest period i've gone without a single puff was in 2000? When i had my widsom tooth surgically removed, was on medical leave for 5 days. That entire week was the longest period of time that i stayed away from the cigarrettes, simply because it just felt funny smoking. But was back on the harmful track once again when i recovered.

Now, it's less than 10 cigs a day... & been slowly trying to even eliminate it totally. Yet to lighta cig since the day before yesterday? Been burying myself at work, since the work is slowly piling up... but it's so TOUGH!!!

Haiz... the temptations... the habit that has been with me since 17...

Gloomy Morning

The headlines of Home today, a case of misadventure? The father had with him a coroner's report of his beloved daughter's case, who had died after being prescribed some medicines which actually caused an adversed reaction in her. It then makes me wonder, how would we know if we are allergic to the medicine in the first place unless we have tried and tested??? Are the doctors to the blame or simply its a case of misadventure or it's the incapacity or inability to really be diagnosed correctly??? We are often being prescribed stronger medicines when symptomes refuses to go away,but the price of a stronger medicine means, a high chance of the body reacting against it. Alas, all bodies react differently. My condelences for the family... sometimes, things just happened.

It's a very thin line between 'done at best' & true neglience. Or should i incoporate some incapabilties and uncertainties into it?.

Doctors are not machines. Even machines failed at times. So when they failed to detect the slightest abnormalities, are they to be blamed?

So many questionable facts...

Am just wondering this other article too, about a reporter based at Pakistan, instead of using his hands to work what he's best at, recording and preparing his articles, his hands were used to assist a doctor rather. Helping to pass the surgery tools, the injections n etc... in times like those, every pair of hands is useful n important. But what if, that pair of hands, had caused more harm instead. Who to blame??? I'm not questioning about the reporter's ability. Just that, it makes me wonder more.

Nah.. not cracking my head to debate on this. It's sad, yah... but then again, it's part of life. Thousands n millions of lives are lost everyday. But thousands n millions of birth are recorded too...

Confessions Before Heading Off To Bed

I know it sounds insane if i say it out, but it's the fact & i'm not denying it. Probably the desire to be out of the comfort zone clearly surpass the 'im really comfy here & don't feel like budging'. Nah.. i'm not talking about any rat race out of the Singapore zone. I'm referring to the natural disasters. I know how it feels like losing love ones. It's beyond words descriptions. Yet, if given a choice, i will choose to live in a place prone to natural disasters. To have a feel of what the nature is feeling. What the nature is doing. To live in fear constantly everyday, so that i will learn to appreciate n most importantly, not to take things for granted. Taking things for granted seems to be a 'trait' in every singaporean as i noticed. n it just kinda pissed me off. & i do pissed myself off lotsa times.

Think about the moment we might get buried under the sands n mud, would we quarrel with our dear ones?

Think about the moment we might get killed from the rumbles of the quake that just strike, would we ignore our dear ones?

Think about the moment the waves might just sweep us away, would we not let our parents know where we heading?

Think about the moment the winds might just blow us away, would we shout at our dearest?

Think about the moment the fire might just engulfed us, would we slam the door?

Think about the moment the floor might just give way, would we not cherish the ones we are hugging now?

Think of the tidal waves that swept off Asia.

Think of the twin towers. 911. (okie, this ain't by works of nature lar... )

Think of the kobe quake.

Think of Katrina.

Think of the recent quake of Pakistan.

But then again, these are not the only ones who should make us really learn about treasuring and cherishing.

Think about the thrill you derived from speeding, the beating of the red lights, till you see a figure.

Think about combining the booze n drive till you see someone mourning for their lost ones.

Think about the knife in your hands when you are desperate for money.

It's how ironical that outside this comfort zone, it's al natural. & inside the comfort zone, it's all man-made.

& lastly, think of the insulting, humiliating, discriminating & hurtful words that your tongue has just wagged out.

End of Day Nonsense

Mad day at work... Usually time passes very slowly when snakie not around, but it's different today. Time passes extremely fast... haven't been able to clear my stuffs, hopefully will be able to do so tomorrow, & i can't stay late tomorrow, gosh. How am i gona to survive... oh well, there's bound to be a way out... YEA!!!

My long break is coming and i've yet to figure how i'm gona to spend it. Hmmm??...

• Sentosa on a weekday, not gona b on tues or thurs!!! Definitely ON, even if i'm gg alone. = 1 day
• High tea buffet, gona to find some gals to have a leisurely afternoon = 1 afternoon
• Overseas? even if it means gg JB alone??? hmm.... nah... i'm counting on the trip to Genting with my bro!!!! =) must go check it out lata... = 2 & haf days?
• Major housekeeping at home? Yah... time to do so... house like a mess. = 1 day

Hmm.. there goes about 5 days huh... not including the time i have to scarifice for SnK... argh... how man??!!!

My Last Letter

It was a mistake for that meeting. Huge Mistake. Everyone around has said you were out for ONS. But no, it was not. I'm still puzzled. Still in a daze. No one to ask what exactly happened. But i'm okie. Really okie. Because, though the memories still fresh... everything was not meant to be in the first place. & somehow, i've accepted it. I've 'weighed' myself today, and surprised to 'see' that i've become lighter. Nice feeling.

=)

Typical Monday Blues

Like usual, it's a drag to get myself to work this morning. Especially so because of a coaster ride wkend. My dad made me worried sick on saturday and thank goodness everything is alright now. Sometimes my dad really made me at my wit's end, not knowing what i can do or rather what i can talk him into. Well, he's my dad after all, he has the 'authority' over me, not me over him. & the last thing i want is a fight between him n me. Just have to trust in him that he can 'take care'.

My mood went from one end of the spectrum on sat to the other on sun. Sun was in happy mode because of snake's wedding. Seeing her so blissfully married to a wonderful guy.... =) it's really happiness happiness n happiness...

& i've learnt another thingy last night. NEVER NEVER NEVER ever attempt to drink with our dear Mr. Sharma. Gosh, seeing him drink last night, made me crowned him the best drinker i've ever seen. Now i know why he's always complaining that he's poor. Lolx...

Luckily markio lived near me, was able to send me home, if not, i probably won't be able to get home in a piece. But was rather surprised that i wasn't that high from the wine, vodka & beer that i took. Hmmm... weird... don't tell me it's really the environment? Like sharma said, you won't get drunk from drinking at such places. Such nice ambience. Well, i have to agree, it is a nice n cosy place. Especially for the guys, with the waitresses wearing such sexy cheongsams... haha... guys!!!

Thoughts again

Snake was asking me to help think of vows for her ah lau to take on their big day. Rather silly but truly meaningful when you come to think of it.

Some of it goes like this:

To finish up all kinds of food that i have prepared even if it's instant noodles.

(the problem here is, she ain't a good cook. she can't even differentiate the different type of vege)

To do the housework when asked to without complaining and grumbling.

To give massage as & when being asked.

To carry all shopping bags when out shopping.

To consult me before making any decision.

To say sorry even when i'm in the wrong.

& mind you, her ah lau is not acknowledging the vows simply by signing. Nope... it's THUMBPRINT!!! haha... signatures can b forged. Not thumbprint.

Sigh... y choose a gal from legal line... this is what will happen. Everything in black n white. haha

Actually her ah lau is really a treasure. Doesn't smoke, drink nor gamble. Never before need her to fork out any $ during dating. Mature n sensible. Good cook and doesn't complain about 'serving' her. I said this because i told her to have a vow of getting him to make her breakfast every wkend, & this was what she replied me 'huh, but already every sat nite he will ask me what i wana have for breakfast tomorrow n he will prepare for me'. So sweet!!!

Then i asked her does she remember the first time of example the first movie they watched etc?

Haiz... can't remember. Well, she even forgot his birthday that fell on 3 Oct just. lolx...

Just wondering...

How many of us remember the first time out there?

the first kiss? the first date? the location? the first time? the first ever touching gesture u ever made? the first confession?

i still do.

& the bad always accompany the good.

somehow somewhat there are times where i will hide away, not to face love because i don't want the bad to happen. It's like, if you choose to stay away from the slopes, you will not risk falling off.

Yet life without love is ??? emptiness.

Truth always hurts.

But nope, i'm not allowing myself to be empty. Because i have love for my dad, though i still find it pretty hard to express myself. But nothing beats parental's love. Nothing. & i have love for my colleagues, friends and bros. & the love of life. Being alive.

Love is a simple word with hell lots of meaning behind it. It comprises of so much... communication, trust, respect n honesty. Same tools, it's just how u utilise it. To put into the correct function, the correct mode.

Okie, enuff of the senseless stuffs.. haha... rare for me to be home such early hours... a good time for me to be in bed by ten. Gosh, i miss my bed. Past few days been really bad, slept at 3plus since tuesday. Let me recall, tuesday nite was spent for supper @ the kopitiam @ youth park there. Wednesday was working out late into the nite. Yesterday was at ice cold. Hmm... so now it's time to accompany my childhood pal = REST aka SLEEP.

Finally it's Friday

Last night, i had some bonding time with my gf, my drinking buddy-Mic. It was great as we shared more stuffs between ourselves and chatted lots of 'nonsense' & it was very heartwarming to learn that she has grown to treasure her hubby more. Simply feel so glad for people around me to have found such great hubby to spend their lives with. The happiness that they have with them always still lingers around me even when we parted. =) Nice feelings.

It's always sweet to have someone by your side. There for you when you are down, comfort you when you feel sad, care for you when you are sick, hug you when you are feeling cold. Laugh with you, sharing the joys, cuddling together when the weather gets cold, hold your hands while crossing the roads, enjoying the 'us' times.

Sweet. =)

Missing the times of being loved. But most importantly is that, in every relationship, the vision must be united for both. I learn that while its easier to get attached, however, it's hard to really find the almost perfect soulmate.

Someone who can communicate with you at the same level. Accept you for who you are. Fits each other like pieces of puzzle. Truly love you whole heartedly and someone whom u can't imagine life without.

Hmmm... getting all emotional here. Gosh.. haha...

=)

I still wish that you will give me that chance of knowing you better. Irregardless of what the relationship will blossom into. Because of a silly crush which no one knows of, it's actually long over. Yet, the chance meeting, left such a deep memory in me. I just wish so much to untie the knot in me right now. To find that someone whom i'll say 'Ai Sheteru' willingly, is it that unattainable?...

Lunch @ Zion

=D Guess who i bumped into this afternoon during my lunchtime... hahaha. That Junyang n William from the superstar singing contest. Hmm... Junyang looks no diff from the camera but boy do William look more fleshy in real person, which i kinda prefer. At least not so skinny mah.

My colleague and i were pretty updated with the progress of the superstar thingy back then n when i mentioned that 'hey, that looks like William', yet blur was written on her face. Lolx... As usual she prefers Junyang n i prefer William, she finds William too much 'ba'.. Thank goodness her taste always differs from mine. If not, there will be cat fight going on... hahaha... just kiding. =p

Daily Bread For Me

Visually-handicapped are capable of seeing a more vibrant and colourful world than others.

Boundaries are set because we do not understand our limitations.

If you think you know your self very well, try looking into the mirror again.

He who think he is a fool is a wiser, he who think he is wise is a fool. (think i heard this somewhere before)

Ever wonder how the darkness compliments the shinnest stars?

12th October 2005

Had much difficulty in dragging myself up this morn especially since the late nite supper yesterday or should i say this early morn. Nevertheless i had enjoyed my supper with my colleagues. It has been awhile since i last went for such 'mini' gathering... Though much of the topics revolved about work again but still, the gossiping part is pretty engrossing.

As well as learning about the lifestyle of Joshua who had stayed in Brunei for so many years. It never fails to fascinate me about the lifestyle beyond this small little dot. Kinda shocking to learn about the salary rate there, imagine being paid S$2/- for every hour u work.... can anyone here willing to accept such a job?. Oh well, that's the difference huh... In Australia, people are actually paid around S$14/hr working in Macdonalds.. Yupz... Macdonalds.

The standard of living can just differs so much...

If given a chance to work in overseas, i guess, i won't hesitate to say 'yes'!!! Even if its to a third world country. Because i would love to trade anything for the life experiences there.

To be at a place less fortunate than here, will i learn to treasure more. It's always like this, until you face it right before you, you never learn.

Ohh... n today's is chick's special day. =) HAPPY BITHDAY!!!

Times flies huh... been 5 years since we got to know each other. & so much things had happened.

I was pretty fortunate to have known such great colleagues at that time n really do cherish the friendship that we still share now. =) Still remember the times we used to try 'sneaking' out so sneakily so as not to be caught by 'fang fang' for going down for a puffy... lolx...

To Elf

KL,

I'm terribly sorry. I failed to disregard what happened that nite because somehow i've fallen for you. I felt something for you. Yet i know it's impossible. But i do not understand why you must even deprived me of the chance to get to know you more. At least, we won't be like this now. ignoring each other. Blocking each other. & why must you choose to hurt me so.

Do i really have the wording at my forehead which says, 'break my heart'??? Love is a two-way traffic. Never a single arrow road. Yet, i'm always turning into one-way direction.

Is it really that hard to find someone whom you love n will truly love you back???

Or is it that the karma is now on me. That because i've hurt so many people before n thus now, i'm destined for closed door.

Perhaps so.

Blog Blog Blog & Blog

Okie, this is bad.. this is what happens when i'm SO free and sitting right in front of the box. Blogging non-stop.

Actually, not really that free. Tons of housework waiting for me to do. Right now am waiting for the laundry to be finished and i'll be doing the ironing later. The mountains of clothes are really not pleasing to the eyes.

Though i should be doing them now, but plain lazy... in fact i don't even have the mood to iron. Just wana sleep but my eyes refuses to shut.

So now onwards, its gona be all full of nonsense. Read it at your own risk.

Qui~Dam was here and away. I did not manage to cherish the chance of catching it. So now, i can only derived the pleasure from videos. Or should i say, to be deriving the pleasure soon. Because i've to get the videos. I will be. Definitely. Besides Qui~Dam, as well as the Alegria.

I was there for Alegeria, and it was magnificent, grand and astonishing. I'll never never forget.
If only i have the chance to be part of the acrobats. The movement, the flexibility, the agility. I was in love once more.

I'm hoping that i can catch Peter Pan though. Anyone?

To hammershark who might be reading this. & i do wish that you will read it.

I suppose right now, everything has never been this clear before. You do love me. You love me as a sis. Not that kind of love & so, stop making youself believing that you love me & leading me on further.

It's not healthy.

I'm actually much happier these while that you weren't beside me. Because i now longer hunger for the attention that i'm seeking for. The fear & insecurity has since left me for good from you.
The countless of ??? floating across my mind have flew away.

Felt so much lighter now.

I need a fresh start. Though i know i'm not young anymore. But i've only spent 2 & a half decades and i still have probably another 5 decades to go. That's a hell lot of time, and i'm pretty sure i do have the time for a good new start. Regardless of the youth slipping by slowly but i'm not afraid. Why should i be afraid? & why should i limit myself?

If it's yours, it will be within your reach no matter how far you run away from it. If not, it will still slip by no matter how hard you clasped your fist.

Always There

It's sweet when someone misses you

It hurt's when someone ignores you

It's touching when you know someone is always there for you

Despites the distance, obstacles, & time

Is there really a special someone out there?

Someone who will loves you unconditionally

Loves your flaws & adore your strength

Even when the soul leaves

The trail will always be there

Fairy tales as always, exist only in the dream world

Yet people are always searching for the path that's leading to the dream world

Where nothing else matters except that two heart beating at the same pace

The red string that binds closely and never let go

The strength of endurance

The test of time

Love stays forever

Favourites

A riveting tale of three generations spanning the end of Old China, Mao's regime and the Japanese occupation. Chang chronicles the enormous changes in China since 1929 through the story of her family, a story that includes arrest during the cultural revolution, exile to the Sichuan wilderness and the bewildering state of China today. It's quite a tale, wonderfully told without a trace of rancor or bitterness. Living in London since 1978, Chang visits her mother back in China every year. You can imagine Chang with notebook in hand back in the family apartment absorbed in the stories of her much-loved mother. The book opens with the statement, "At the age of 15 my grandmother became the concubine of a warlord general. It was 1929 and China was in chaos."

Above its the intro to all of you my favourite book-ranking no. 1. I felt alot & my tears just flow controllably. I guess it hits me pretty hard. Even for those who hates history will love this piece for i'm one who never enjoy history. You will feel as though u are being brought back to the era where war reigns & the most powerful & fearful weapon is the power of authority.

This is another one of my favourites.

The runaway bestseller by a middle-aged white academic who, in this lyrical first novel, effectively impersonates Sayuri, a formidable geisha in the celebrated Gion district of Kyoto in the years before WWII. A major feat of literary impersonation, the novel is rich in period detail and ceremony. Sayuri's rise from humble rural beginnings to practically goddess-hood is all the more poignant because of the contrast with her not-so-pretty or talented sister, also sold into servitude, who becomes instead a prostitute in a bad part of town.

Don't Regret

As a child, we often act like adults.

When grown up, we behave like a child.

We often think of the past n regrets.

We vex too much about the future that we neglect the present.

The past is here as a guidance, present for us to mould the future.

Sunday Nitez

Didn't manage to complete any of the tasks i've set myself for, disappointed cause it means i have to wait for one more week to do it. But finally i've managed to catch a movie. But erm... will someone out there enlightened me about the movie i've just watched??? It's titled 'The Bow'. Can't really figure it out. But i love the music. Such soothing n calmly sounds. That's the only plus point of the movie lar. Rest? haha... too profound. Let's just say some or alot of witchcraft seems to be associated with the movie. It's eerie n mysterious in the sense that you will go, 'huh'? what the hell actually happen???... So anyone who is interested in the movie, go watch it n let me know.

Earlier during the day was at Liang court/Clarke Quay. A place full of fond memories for me. It was the very first place i worked at. Ain't sure how many of you out there remember a Sogo located there years ago. To be exact, back in the year 1995, i was working there. It wasn't exactly a departmental store like at Raffles City last time, more like divided into various shops. One shop will be selling Mickey Mouse stuffs, n the other focusing on the Forever Friends, one be for the toys, like Powers Rangers which were so IN then and lastly the fourth shop dedicated to childrens attire.

I've made great friends there. Sathya, Desmond and Wong Sin Sim aka 'Xing Xing, whom i'll never forget. The irresponsibilities that we all shared. Lolx... remembering the times we would play catching and would just run out of the shop just like that without anyone tending to it. Gosh, think of the stock lost man... & the stealing of butter cookies... haha... The entire place was like our playground. Our heaven.

Now, the place is rather quiet, but i doubt so in another couple of years more. MOS is going to be there plus the paris something which i can't remember now, haha...

It's a nice place to chill out too.. along the riverside. Gentle breeze blowing across your cheeks n checking out the tourist at the same time. Hot babes, hunkies... haha...

Usually the main reason i'll be found there will because of kino n the gelato there. Now, there's an additional reason. The Japanese snacks... hmmm... yummy... n a plus plus plus point will be that the owner of the stall is rather delicious too... hee...

& i realised that i had Thai food last sun n i had it again today. hmm.. wasn't that bad, in fact the pineapple rice is nice. Much more tasting that the usual ones i had, though a tad too sweet due to the generous servings of raisins.

Not forgetting the wonderful Glutinuous rice with mango... yummy yummy yummy... One of my favourite dessert. All time favourite though the serving comes with coconut milk. =p

Brand new week is up n coming n i have to brace myself for the war at work again. & must dolled myself up for an important occassion on sun. Snakie's big day. Feel so happy for her. Nice guys r everywhere, but to find a nice n suitable one, is hard. Nice n caring are even harder find. & nice n caring n someone who doesn't smoke or drink are even on the verge of extinction. haha...

Actually nice people aren't that hard to source out. It's the suitability that we all mind. The vision that both parties must be sharing. The willingness to walk the long long journey together, to brace all kinds of thunderstorms. & the special chemistry that both parties feel for each other. These are the reasons that makes love project so tough.

Blame it on fate or destiny.

But all things definitely happened for a reason. It's up to one to find out the underlying message. The meaning behind it n what have we learnt from it.

=)

Just Some Thoughts

Greed. Everyone just has this evil trait rooting inside us, since we are brought to this world. Greed for everything possible to us, including those unreachable by us. Greed for knowledge, Greed for love. Greed for companionship. Greed for food. Greed for time. & not forgetting Mercenary greed.

Me? I'm very greedy.

Greedy for alot of stuffs. I would wish to know what's going on in others' lives. I wish to have all the goodies in the world. I wish to travel all over the globe. I wish to be loved. I wish to be alone. I wish to have my own little paradise. I wish to volunteer. I wish i can do alot more things besides sitting down here in front of a little box and crying foul away...

Peace is what lies in our heart n mind. What is never enough will never be. Because once we have reached that final destination, where shall we head to further? Land of nowhere?

Take a ride in a ordinary person from birth. As a child, greed for parent's love, care n concern. As a student, greed for knowledge. As a worker, greed for promotion and raise. As a lover, greed for love n companionship. As a adult, greed for reputation in the society. As a parent, greed for successful takeovers. As a grandparent, greed for attention. As a leaving soul, greed for a grand affair. See? It's just a cycle.

We can never never have the best of both worlds or shall i say all the worlds.

I'm trying hard to cultivate the wonderful trait of treasuring. Even as little as treasuring the fact that i'm still alive in this world. Able to breath, to see the sun, to hear.

Its like, i'm breathing in toxic smoke along the streets, but i can't ignore the fact that yes, i CAN breath.

I'm scorched by the sun's heat. It shows that i CAN still feel.

I had diarrhoea from food taken earlier, it's telling me that i CAN eat.

I have friends complaining to me about work, family n love. It's a sign that they REMEMBER me.

I feel pain n agony when my love is not reciprocated. Means i'm still able TO LOVE.

I have a boss complaining of my work. Reminding me that i'm not JOBLESS.

I have to chase the eagerly departing mrt or bus. I CAN still run.

The radio is playing lousy musics. My ears are NOT failing me.

& lastly but not the least, greed for the inner peace. To feel calm.

Me

My name is Keline Tung Siew Ching.

Born into this world, 1104am, 25th January 1980.

Chinese birthdate? 8th December 1979.

I'm the only child.

Jewel to my parents yet am a servant at the same time.

I live independently and very much enjoy the way i am now.

I'm 60% introvet, 40% extrovet.

I have an attitude. A little aloof. Alot of my actions depends on my mood.

Am stubborn.

I please no one except myself.

I love my bros alot. & I appreciate their presence very much around me.

My interests? Read, cycle, chillin out, movies, bowling, pool, sun tan, blog, surf net, strolling.
Am into tattooing, pilates lately. Going to learn blading soon. Wana learn about photography too.
I can't sing nor dance, thank you very much.

Can't swim nor float either.

Favourite colours? Yellow, orange, green, black n white.

Can't carry off any shades of blue, perhaps onli baby blue. Otherwise am belonging to the group of warm shades.

i only wear Levis jeans.

My knees go weak on Sin's tiramisu, cheesecakes, durians (in its original form, best chilled), bananas (in any kind except milk), rum & rasin, strawberry shortcake from baker's Inn, pasta=lasagne (best pasta restaurant been to? the one at Ngee Ann City @ B2), Pizza Hut's spicy drumlets (Record=20pcs at one go), Mango pudding from Crystal Jade, Sake sashimi, tenderloin. Will never be a vegetarian. Loves meat too much especially beef.

I'm not picky about food... except that i can't take too spicy stuff due to my weak stomach.

Doesn't like bittergourd, don't really take crustaseans, except occassional servings of crayfish, mussels. Do take prawns at any time though.

I'm game for buffet at any time.

I love Japanese and Korean cusine very much.

Enjoy beer n wine. Especially red. Gime Carbenet Sauvignon or Merlot at any time. & peach or lime frozen margarita.

Loves hanging out at ICB, Alley bar.

Shopping freak. Impulsive buyer.

I love being tan. Not fair.

Many dreams to fulfill. Like to be able to dive. My ultimate dream is to dive at Great Barrier Reef. Or Palau will do too. Back-packing alone to anywhere. Wana learn rock climbing. Most importantly to QUIT =Q.

I love nature, especially the under water world.

Am very much fascinated with the marine lives.

Love watching documentaries too.

Bring me on a date to zoo at any time.

Have a softness for cutie containers, like those of winnie the pooh. Musical box or dolls. As well as transformers. Though i only have one car to date.

My favourite novel = Wild Swans

My favourite manga = Kenshin

My favourite anime = Kenshin & Pretear

My favourite group = Kinki Kids

My Favourite song = Going Home by Kenny G.

My Favourite flowers = Forget-me-not, & 'Tian Tang Niao'

Dream car = Lamborgini. Land Rover or Maxda rx-7 or mx-5 will do too.

Favourite actors = Johnny Depp, Josh Hartnett, Brad Pitt, Christian Bale, Matthew McCaunahey, Paul Walker, Heath Ledger, Tom Cruise, Vin Diesel, Ethan Hawk & Colin Farrell.

Favourite actresses = Julia Stiles, Reese Witherspoon, Michelle Rodriguez & Gwyneth Paltrow.

Favourite movies = Sliding doors, Jerry Maguire, Shrek, A Moment To Remember, The Last Dance, Edward's Scissorshands, Blade, The Jungle Book, xXx & Fast & the Furious.

& Bring me to Cirque De Soleil!!!

That's all, folks.

Saturday Nite

Dead tired, but my pal is here nudging me to keep her accompany. Like my bro, his old friend is pain. Mine, insomnia. Comes knocking on my door pretty often.

Met up with Handicapped Slacker Bore.. haha... his new name. =p Was supposed to change his cap for something else, but stupid me, threw the receipt away, so can't change. Now i've gota get him another birthday present. =S

Told him about what i've done last nite. Hopefully a couple of months down the road, the friendship will still be there between elf and me. Just that for now, i really can't be friends with him. Miss him too much. Am missing him for more than a friend. I have to give myself time to be able to miss him as a bro. Not more than that. The line must be clear. Never never like greyish patches.

Am a little satisfied with my discipline manner lately. Well done and i must keep up the good work man.

=)

My Friday Nite

I did something stupid again as usual. & i just hate myself so. What ever diginity/reputation/ego i have just been washed down to the drain.

Nevermind. Tomorrow is a brand new day. =)

Not gona to msg him anymore. NOT ANYMORE!!! OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!

Anyway, was glad to have spent some time with my gf. Gosh, the last meeting was like ages ago. Had wanted to chill out at ICB but was damn crowded. =( In the end settled for Alley bar. Hmm, well at least i had my Peach Frozen Margarita... =p nice...

Happy in a way that we both moved on with our lives, keeping ourselves occupied with stuffs, though we are still very much bewildered by the guys nowadays. Their actions, their behaviour n their thinking.

Our conclusion? Guys now simply like to run away from facts, cowards, think they can actually hide away forever. They can't bring themselves to face reality and be frank about it. Be honest with what they want and last but not the least being wishy washy.

To think i've wasted almost an hour, simply waiting for a miracle to happen.

ARGH!!!

Hmmm, while waiting for cab home saw an old friend of mine. Almost joined him at Rouge but nah... i'm beat. But hopefully i'll be able to catch up with him again.

Hmmm, God must be answering to my prayers... letting me be in contact with my old friends...

First it was hamburger whom i've been searching for but to no avail. Thank God, he managed to find me. Then coincidentally i met Bao while waiting to get home.

=) It's really a nice feeling to catch. Now i just wonder who's next.

Ohh n did i mention that i got to know a new friend. Lolx... insurance agent... hahaha of all people. Nice chap lar. Ain't too bad for the first impression. Well, since he's an insurance agent, naturally he's a good talker. Just don't psycho me to buy policy k??? Enough is enough. hahaha

Haiz, but honestly do i really look underaged??? Can't believe that he thought that i was below 20yrs old man.

Gee.. i've already discarded my old look. Slowly changing from my usual kinda sloppy very casual outfit, meaning = tank tops + baggy 3/4 + sandals, to more feminine look, meaning = at least a more decent top + jeans + heels. & i could barely walk in heels lor. Though its not higher than 2"... hahaha...

Okie, time for bed...

Hamburger

=) feeling great today because many thanx to frdster, another old friend had found me. Hmmm... why does it always seem so effortless for them to locate me, where as i always almost drowned in the never ending namelist??!!...

It was good hearing from him again. I've been searching all my old friends whom i've lost contact with. Catching up with the old times. Remembering the funny pasts, the sweet memories. As well as all the foolish stints we all made. Well, we are indeed ain't young anymore.

Frdster to many of my younger frds, oh, just a channel of getting to know more frds and to see which are the frds they are linked with. But not for me.

To me,

Because through frdster, i've found many of my secondary mates. I've found friends that i've lost contact with. Once again, the linking bridge is visible to me. I've got to know lovely ladies, and you know who you are. =) I've even found someone whom i've been enquiring for the past ten years.

Impossible became possible.

The rekindling of friendships.

Now i can't imagine my life without frdster.

Affairs

What an ending to my day at work. I was supposed to be feeling happy because i've got a new dress for my colleague's wedding scheduled next sunday. Am going for my haircut tomorrow. And tomorrow is finally friday though i've yet to have plans. But still, i'm feeling great.

And suddenly came the downpour to my joyous mood.

I know and i can understand about flings, extra-marital affairs, two-timing relationships etc n etc. But somehow, i can't bring myself to accept the fact that it is happening to the people whom i've regard them to my 'perfect idol', the 'perfect couple'.

It just sadden me so.

And why??? why must my suspicions be confirmed???

i hate this.

I remember the first time i've heard him over the phone, i just couldn't believe my ears. Is that him talking on the phone??? Such gentle whisperings... never have i hear before. Not even to his beloved wife. Never mind about the first chance encounter. It may be a close friend? Or a close cousin? Or just, whatever... so long it's not a third party.

Yet, i'm like destined to hear him using the same tone to chat on the phone again. And there is the confirmation of my suspicions.

Some family man hur... some father figure hur... all bullshits!!! Entertaintment? Yea... sure, but i'm sure there isn't such a need to entertaint the girls, don't they???

It's the clients who bring us the $$$... not the girls who entertained them, bring them the $$$.

F**K

Pain???

Okie okie, i'm sorry. I knew i shouldn't have laughed at you the whole night for your mishap. =p

haha.. just amused me so seeing you in bandages again. Recalling the days back in sec, yea... we were pretty much dressed in bandages pretty often. Haha... my ankle was sprained every year or almost every half semester. Was involved in a stupid stunt at Queensway back in 1995. What memories... wonder if you remember Eng Leong, who injured himself badly too while trying to attempt a 'slam-dunk'. lolx... Those were the days.

I would never like to befriend with your old friend-Pain. Yet, i'm a sucker for it when it comes to tattooing. I know it's sick lar. But somehow, i just enjoy the process. It makes u high~~. lolx. =p

& definitely i will choose physical pain over emotional & mental pain. It heals lot faster & trust me, visible scars are alot easier to let go than invisible scars.

Physical pain makes you feel that you are still alive. Very alive in this world and the next thing you know, you start to be more appreciative.

Emotional pain? Makes you wanna disappear from this world, or plan an escape, or even hide where no one else can find you.

Been feeling alot lighter these days, with me slowly emptying my emotional luggage. The luggage was overweight for a long while & the fine was getting too hefty. Just can't afford anymore. I simply love the new me now. It's a slow process, no doubt. Yet the fruits awaiting will be the sweetest lot ever harvest. =)

True Element???

Your element is Air: Carefree, lovable, fun and
childish. Aren't you cute! Your just full of
childhood spunk and happiness! Hey who said
being young was a bad thing? You have a keen
understanding of what's good in life and choose
to remain happy rather than get too upset over
things. Life is fun, who wants to be troubled
by grown-up problems? Being as capable of love
as you are you will make a wonderful parent if
and when you choose to grow up. Love is a
mystery because you only want friends not love
interests, games are better than relationships
with the opposite sex. You have what everyone
is searching for, that so called 'fountain of
youth' deep inside. You can come across as
naive and childish at times. But who cares what
they think, lets go play tag!

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by

Nice!!!

Hmm... got acquainted with a lovely bubbly gal... =) & check her web out man...

Hee.. got to know her thru my 'shopping online' lo... what else... =p

http://joxccess.tripod.com

Attached Or Not Attached

As one of my best colleague's big day is nearing, i can't help feeling happy for her. I will say she has found the almost perfect guy anyone would have beg for. Very often we would share among ourselves the stuffs we do with our partners, haha though most of the times it would be me complaining about my dates not being gentlemanly enough. =p

But boy do i envy her with her beau. Since courtship till the reunion soon... never has he borrow any $ from her, ask her to fork out any $ to pay for any dates unless she willingly pay up her share. He is mature, responsible and caring towards her needs. But alas, to me, apart from the facts that his inner qualities are attractive, i've always addressed him as 'Uncle'. Lolx...

Maybe i still live in the world that gals ought to be pampered, showered with endless care and concern and to be treated gently. Just maybe... But hey, i don't need someone to open the entrance door for me. I don't need someone to pull out the chair for me. Hmmm....

Well, not that none of the guys around me fits that descriptions. There are, seriously. All 3 of them. Lolx... and may i present u to my best bros... hahaha... Just too bad that i don't date my bros.

I had a most wonderful though short conversation with my bro Seth last nite. He's the only bro whom i can hate so much n love so much at the same time. Otherwise, i just love my bros.

His frankness puts me away so much that i wish i can strangle him to death most of the time. But, at the same time, i love him for waking me up.

I've never been clearer in knowing what i want. So thx so much. =)

Okie okie, i know i still owe u guys birthday presents... gee... just bear with me k??? =p

Brand New Month

Well, finally managed to muster the courage to drop hammershark an email, only to realise it has been bounced back. Argh!!! Hmmm.. maybe it wasn't a bad thing after all. Guess i should talk it out with him personally and not through emailing.

Last weekend was pretty fun. Lotsa beer and went shopping with my bro. Can't remember when was the last time i actually went out for shopping. Lolx. Can't barely find time for rest and my housechores let alone to shop. hahaha...

Hmmm.... Am having a joyous feeling, so not gona let anyone to dampen it. =D

童话

忘了有多久 再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事

我想了很久 我开始慌了 是不是我又做错了什么

你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的 我不可能是你的王子

也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后 我的天空 星星都亮了

我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你

你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局

我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你

你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局

我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你

你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局

一起写我们的结局

Back In The Year 1923

Well, okie, this ain't original but it touches my soul, my heart n my mind so much that i ought to share it. If not, i'll be letting you all down.

"If you get there before I do

Don't give up on me

I'll meet you when my chores are through

I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down

Darling wait and see

And between now and then

Til I see you again

"I'll be loving you

Love, Me."

This was written by someone's grandma to his granddad... back in the year 1923... it just touches me so.

What a nite!

Well, here i am end of the day. lol.. & im pretty high from the beer.. geez... but i had enjoy my nite. Seriously.. though the stay was pretty short but i did truly enjoy myself... u guys r just so funny... hilarious... haha..

& i love seeing u guys picking up gals.. haha... though probably the presence of me does spoil the mood a little but i'm not a threat.. not in any way... haha.. not at all. So no worries...

=p

Been enjoying myself for the past two nites. Been a long long while i was last with Derrick n Weisong. Never realise how much i miss u bros till the reunion of us again. The 3 of us. I miss the times we shared at WTC...

I had fun last nite.. n i had fun just. =>

Though i don't really know those guys but they r fun man... jokers around.. n i've picked up a new game. lol...

& i realised i miss someone's hug badly... elf.. i called him elf for he had ears somewhat like elf's ears... abit pointed... & i realised too that i miss seeing him red-faced... haha.. from the beer...

i love my bros man.... i seriously do... they never say die on me... haha

Jesus... i'm really drunk now... gota turn in...