The Color Test

The world is really ROUND. This color test i had done it before... can't remember if it was 3 or 4 yrs back... n i was searching for it recently but to no avail...

& now, my bud emailed me... boy was i glad.

& u all should really try it... it's pretty true.. lol...

http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/index.cfm

You are always alert and keenly observant. You are not truly satisfied with your everyday status and you are seeking fresh avenues which can give you the opportunity to prove your worth. You feel that there are still many barriers that stand between you and recognition - but one by one you will overcome them. Your tenacity is your one good point - like an English Bulldog, once you take the bite, you will seldom let go.
For some time now you may have been subjected to considerable physical illness and or emotional distress. This may have taken a severe toll and you feel both physically and mentally worn out. Your self esteem has been reduced and you now need a peaceful environment which will permit you to effect full recovery.
It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offense, but as matters stand you realize that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.
You refuse to relax or to give in and you are endeavoring to keep exhaustion and depression at bay by keeping active. You are experiencing a relationship or a situation which is not satisfactory but you feel powerless to change it. You have that 'need to be needed' but you do little to achieve the sense of belonging that you need. You try to disguise your feelings of insecurity and so you continue to resist this state of affairs - and as a consequence you are experiencing tension and stress. Your depression makes you irritable and impatient. You have that urge to get away from the situation, either actually or mentally. You are finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate.
You would like to break with the present and move on, searching for new conditions and relationships. Your anxiety and stress are results of unfulfilled emotional and perhaps physical needs. You feel that you are not really understood by your nearest and dearest and it is this that prompts you to move on, searching for that so illusive peace of mind.

Too Much Thoughts

Can't bring myself to work right now... Lol... people must b envious that i can spend so much time surfing & blogging. Well, none of the big shots are around anyway. & besides, not much urgent stuffs. That's the best thing about month end. At least to me bah... Since returning back to legal line & back to my ex colleagues. Hmm... i won't say its a bed of roses but at least, ain't a bad environment.

Okie back to the main purpose of writing this blog...

=p, well... lotsa thoughts were running through me as i was reading my frd's blog just. & mind you, it wasn't just the recent entries but the whole lot of her blog man... gosh.

But somehow, it's always like this huh... someone whom u want care n love for just ain't the person meant for ya... or that we always don't know cherish or treasure the person till it's too late... or that we never knew that person was the one for us till it's too late too... n also karma... yea... i believe much in it too...

I remember when i just started out working. Got to know this guy from the same company but he works for a different brand. But somehow i was attracted to him... because i had just started out in the real world, so i was more than willing to compromise alot of things. Which included sharing of bf. I didn't care much then, probably because i wasn't looking for anything serious but fun instead... But he broke up with his official gf on valentine's day just because of me. I felt guilty because as much as i love this guy here, i don't wish him to do so to another gal, especially on a valentine's day. Such unbearable hurt n lost... only those who been thru will know... the kind of anticipation of being together with the one he/she loves on a special day, only to learn that breaking up was on the cards.

Since we were still kinda young at that time, of course things didn't work out well... in the end, he stil opt for his ex... the ex before the one he broke up with on the special day.

&... i ended up with another guy... things seem great... till yea... he broke up with me on valentine's day to be with his ex. yes... ex again...

Since then i realised .. hmm... i'm like destined for a role of replacement...

***************************************************************************

Was in dormant for years... enjoying stability till... am i not fated for a stable nest?

Maybe i was for i'm back on the coaster ride again...

I'm really tired....

28 September 2005

Been feeling great, in the sense that i've succeeded in cutting down on my cigs... from 1 pack of consumption in 2 days to only 3-5 cigs per day. Though the start was only on 26 Sept 05. Gee... still some results lar... my aim for the moment prob not to eliminate totally... for it will be too harsh and may backfired instead. But rather from a hard-core smoker to a social smoker... hmm.... another CHANGE... yippee... =)

=S Confusion at the moment though because... i can't find the courage i've mustered sometime back... I need that courage badly now... I need it in order to have my fresh start of life. Yet i'm still hesitating... Is it because i feel obliged to just give him that chance, a longer period of time to prove himself and to myself that its worth and to compensate the gap of 7years??? But i really don't want that the wishes only true on the testing period and back to square one yet again.

Hate the uncertainties that comes hand in hand with the affairs yet unable to draw oneself out from it.

=( and i got myself into another fix.

=) nevertheless, ain't gona make myself sad n sadder...

Earth is not going to stop revolving around just because of me...

Rain won't fall just because i wanna cry...

=) and i'm planning for my solo trip...

Hmm.... destination??? Taiwan (Penghu)??? =p

Feel so excited about my solo trip. Hmm... feels good...

And i'm considering of backpacking too after the solo trip... hahah... okie okie... one thing at a time...

27 September 2005

Yesterday was my first smoke free night. Yet this morning a gold fish had appeared in front of my bathroom mirror, and the swell has yet subside... =( can't bring myself to believe that there is a link somewhere. Definitely not. It's impossible.

Anywhere, i'm kinda proud of myself lately... been smoking lesser n lesser. Last week, i've never smoke during my lunch break and tea break, woah for 5 days le... lol...

And this morning, i did not have my usual dosage of 'oxygen' as always... hmm... but feeling abit of erm... not used to it. i guess...

But i'm keeping to my words, changing my lifestyle... =)

Gentle Reminder For All The Ladies Out There

Just felt obliged to re-post this...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."

You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat youany differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything.

He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.

Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothingless.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals.

Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

24 September 2005

A nite of catching up the old times... old friends... lotsa beer, fun, laughter and stories... Had a great time... =)

25 September 2005

I cant get back to my nap since waken up by my neighbours. Damn. My head still hurts like mad, throbbing n thumping are in progress right now. & i've yet found a solution to my nasty situation.

Damn and more damn. Argh!!! Never felt so lousy before. Shall take my baby out for a ride now to clear my head...

My Japanese Name

Your Japanese Name Is...

Misako Konoe

What's" your Japanese Name?

Hidden Talent

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.People crave your praise and complements.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

21 September 2005

Argh... feeling fatigue and miss my bed so much... the comforter... my bolster... sigh...

Can't imagine the life next week, the stupid stock take taking place on wed, which means to say be working till wee hours. =( Nevermind... i've resigned to the fate that i've sold my soul not only to CY but to SnK as well...

Yesterday seeing one of my colleagues back in her bubbly self cheers me up a little. She was so sick and restless over the weekend. Now she's finally well and chirpy. =) Gee.. friends do influence one another at times. Especially in moods...

I'm reading a korean manga right now since finished reading The Undomestic Goddess. It was a nice read. Hilarious and touching. The journey through the book makes you feel like taking a coaster ride...

Now just wondering if i should read the Shopaholic and her sister... that's the only book which i've yet to read under her name. Hmm... maybe... maybe not...

My Madness

It's been awhile since i indulge myself in the world of anime. In midst of choatic world i'm in, i actually was able to find time to re-watch Initial D and found myself once again so in love with it. But somehow my collections are still so small... =( hmm... still yet to get the fourth stage of the initial D... n have lost the downloaded ones like Wolf's Rain n X... One of these days i must make a trip down to the shop at clarke Q, coz i still remember that there have a few anime which other retailers are not selling... =p

Sometimes i wonder when will my madness stop. But i simply love to watch n enjoy so much reading it too... though there are still a few manga collections which i'm guilty of not finishing it though it was purchased some donkey years ago...heehee... must find the right mood to read it mah...

Maybe i'm weird... but isn't it the same for almost everyone out there? For me, i must have the right mood when doing something. If not, there is no way i can complete it.

& talking about manga, have lost a few collections too.. =( sad... but some of it, its because i've threw them away. (talking about it makes my blood boils a little, just don't understand how can some inconsiderate people simply torn the books just like that... don't they know the correct way of holding the book so that u won't spoil it? argh... and in the end i've to throw them away. Maybe i'm a perfectionist in some way but i just can't stand the torn look of my manga. NO WAY!. So i dump my $ into the dustbin and now simply waiting for the chance to get it back again... am still waiting... waiting for my mind to persuade my wallet to pay double price for it.) and another one, my friends simply vanished with the whole set... =(

so tell me about walking books... haiz...

Hmm.. nah.. aint gona let all the sad stuff to influence me... for i'm still happy being surrounded by my manga...

=)

I can easily be lost in the world of manga/anime...

Brand New Week

Last weekend was a hectic one... the ever stubborn fella insisted on getting himself discharged & just 'nua' at home... if only i can have a way with him. But most of the times, i give up... seriously don't like the feeling of being torn in between anymore... and besides, they themselves should know better.

Had my first pilates lesson on sunday, it wasn't that bad actually.... except for the fact that the instructor... ermm.... wasn't that convincing physically... hahaha... anyone who sees her tummy will definitely agree with me no more... but she is fit lar... Just wonders me how is it so that the works of pilates is not justifiable on her...

My idea of sleeping early doesn't seem to be working well ... =( realised that i feel more tired if i slept before midnight... gosh... i'm weird...

What should i do??? Continue to sleep after midnight??? Or try to stick to the new plan for at least a week to decide???

Hmmm... Seems abit hard le.. since i'll usually be home after 11pom most of the days... argh...

Coming oct i'll be busier because i'm thinking of dedicating more time into SnK... wonder if its a wise choice... because more time at SnK = less personal time = less time for precious = less time for hammershark = less time for iCb... hmm.... always contradicting myself...

Feel like killing myself...

RainBow Mood

=) am in the mood today. Though it's a gloomy morning to start the day with but was elated to see a rainbow across the greyish sky... it was huge... & though it was kinda blurry, could only see fat stripes of red, yellow and blue, but was enough to lift up my mood.

15 September 1004

Tomorrow is friday, yet i'm not looking forward to it... Hmm... =( Something is very wrong.

Maybe because i've yet been practising or starting to carry out my new lease of life... Hahaha...

My intending proposal of life that will make me a better person, not moaning/crying of failures but learning of appreciating of humans/relationships/stuffs, grabbing every moments of life preciously... Climbing up the ladder by myself, cherishing each and every happenings... simply, making myself a better person... and be in control. Yet... hmm... why am i delaying these happenings...

???

Nah... changes occur slowly... so i'll take a step at a time. Most importantly, i'm living each day a happier person. =) That's the way!

I'm drawing a plan and will follow it as closely as time permits... hahaha.. wish me luck man...

There was a period of time where i deprived myself of the good things i enjoy... but i'm slowly returning to it... the very first good sign that i need to know that i've changed...

The change that i wanted... to be a HAPPY person. =)

Not that i'm a sad person all my friends know me... but its the sadness that has been embedded long ago which i wanted to get rid of now. & its never too late to start the change... late is better than never...

Recently, i've got myself a good read. Or so i felt is. The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella. i've always enjoyed reading the works of Sophie but when i was into her fourth book, i was kinda tired of the style of writing and ceased reading her works then. But now, i'm reading her latest novel. Guess it's always refreshing to read something that got you hooked like mad before.

& i was alittle satisfied with myself just days before when i was keeping to my regime of working out till... sobz... till my poor little big toe was injured... =(

Never mind that, though i can't bring my baby out for a ride, but i can still practise my yoga and pilates... hee.. =)

Okie.. time for bed... another change that must be implemented into my new life... sleep early!!!

BirthDay

You entered: 1/25/1980
Your date of conception was on or about 4 May 1979.
You were born on a Fridayunder the astrological sign Aquarius.Your Life path number is 8.The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444263.5.The golden number for 1980 is 5.The epact number for 1980 is 13.The year 1980 was a leap year.As of 9/14/2005 9:01:16 PM CDTYou are 25 years old.You are 308 months old.You are 1,338 weeks old.You are 9,364 days old.You are 224,757 hours old.You are 13,485,421 minutes old.You are 809,125,276 seconds old.
There are 133 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 26 candles on it.Those 26 candles produce 26 BTU's,or 6,552 calories of heat (that's only 6.5520 food Calories!) .You can boil 2.97 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1980 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.In 1980 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.In 1980 in the US there were 2,406,708 marriages (10.6%) and 1,182,000 divorces (5.2%)In 1980 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)Your birthstone is Garnet The Mystical properties of Garnet
Garnet is used as a power stoneSome lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Emerald, Rose QuartzYour birth tree is
Cypress Tree
The Faithfulness - Strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, happy content, optimistic, needs enough money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic and careless. There are 102 days till Christmas 2005!The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was in its first quarter.

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How'>http://blogthings.com/howareyouinlovequiz/">How Are You In Love?

Stilettos

Now, tell me about the one end of the spectrum of guys who simply adore gals in stilettos & the other end who hates them wearing it...

Yesterday while on the mrt... my poor toe was basically CUT & skin was innocently RIPPED off by someone's failed act of balancing while on stilettos... Ouch! & Damn it! Just barely two months ago, i kinda twisted my left feet & now my right feet suffers such fate. Gee... what else will be happening man...

I was comtemplating of posting the pic actually but apparantly i couldn't do so because the network kept failing me... anyway, i'll just keep trying & trying till the network is back & let u guys decide if there should be any justice for wearing stilettos after all...

Damn, the pain is killing me... =(

Welcoming the blues of tomorrow

Having finished most of the tasks of the day, here i am, preparing myself for a brand new week. Welcome to Monday n goodbye to Sunday!!!

I foresee myself in a total wreck because i've given a couple of days more to SnK. Hence, lesser resting time = more tiredness = total lost of energy = walking zombie

Therefore, tonight, i'm going to sleep early. & i do mean it. Let myself to have ample rest before heading out to the war of time management.

But if only i can really fall alseep that early... gee... i should let the doc see me n gotten myself some pills for insomia... haha.. nah... ain't that serious yet lar...

But seriously, my mind n body co-ordination is getting from bad to worse... how is it so that when my body is dead tired, basically i just couldn't think anymore, yet i just can't fall asleep... hmmm? Can someone out there provide me with a solution???

Some say that there are still unsolved problems which subconciously affected me into thinking non-stop about it n hence = can't sleep

Problems??? Hmmm... i'm still trying to figure what kind of a problem could that be...

Previously i've found a remedy to cure my sleepless nights...

Biru = Beer

Guess, i'm getting immune to it. The chillin out at iCB the other night proved to me that, its time for me to look for an alternative...

I WAS pretty sure that i can have a good night's sleep, only to find out that, the beer only managed to knock me out for 2hrs which aftermath, my eyes were wide open n couldn't shut anymore except for the occassional blinking that if deprived of, is against the nature.

Hmm... i ought to log out... have a glass of warm milk, get cosy with my comforter, immersed myself in wild swans yet again...

ME

i m short

i m plump

i m ugly

i m quiet

i m aloof

i m stubborn

i hav a attitude

i cant sing

i cant dance

i cant swim

i like beer

i like iCb

i like listening to 95

i like the song 'almost here'

i like the sun

i like being alone

i love manga/anime

i love my bros

i love to zzz

i love kenshin

i love wild swans by jung chang

i love to blog

i love huskies & golden retriever

i love marine world

i love going to zoo

i hav loved someone deeply

i dislike my working environment**

i dislike fake people

i dislike being deceived

i m afraid of ghosts

i wish to learn blading

i wish to adopt a child in 3rd world

i wish to learn japanese

i wish i can scuba dive at palau

i admire

josh hartnett

tom cruise

brad pitt

matthew mcconaughey

julia stiles

julia roberts

zhang dong jian

james lye

lee nanxing

qui ze

*movies*

sliding doors

irreversible

the island

harry potter

blade

blade II

waterworld

serendipity

edward's scissors hands

End Of The Week

Just wondering if the past week had been a fruitful week... well, almost i guess.

Same as usual, juggling between two jobs, chillin out with my bros, squeezing that bit time for exercise, running errands for my dad & cleaning up my little nest... Hmmm... the same routine as the week before, the week before last & so on & so on... blah blah blah blah....

Brought my baby out for a ride yesterday after work, haiz... what was i thinking of anyway? Riding on an empty stomach???... Boy, i was so hungry even though it was just a short 20-30 mins ride...

It was kinda thrilling, considering i was out alone, along the empty streets, with only much empty fields around, not much of the lighting to aid my torch & passing those temporary house shelters for those Indian workers... :S does frightens me a little when i think of it now... Hmm... it's not that safe ya???... haha... This me.

But i was freaked out for a moment because just as i was enjoying the breeze blowing my cheeks, listening to the sounds of peacefulness... & as i turned my head to the other direction. Gasp, there was the so called 'huanted' house at punggol... =S

Freaking scary u know?... so DARK... so QUIET... & all ALONE out there, not even a car in sight. Thank goodness 7th month was over... if not, duh... won't know if i'll be heading home alone or with company... hahaha...

Gee... i'm home alone right now, so better stop my nonsense...

Haha...

10 September 2005

Sleepless nite is bothering me so here i am, trying another way to tire myself so that i'll feel sleepy n begin to dream...

Usually i'll be tiring myself in a physical way so that the chances of a 'concussion' is higher... but since i had quite abit of beer just, don't feel like taking the risk to make myself faint...

Besides, i had abit more than usual... n am pretty much amazed by the fact that i ACTUALLY still manage to take the train n walked home... haha... Hmm... is it that my tolerant of liqour getting better???... haha... nonsense...

Been having all kinds of stress lately, can hardly breathe anymore... but still... well, the most i'll jump down lor... hahaha... another nonsense...

Nah.. ain't that stupid yet... the sky ain't falling on me yet...

Besides, the sky probably will never fall on me anyway... maybe when it does, i'm probably in hell already... haha... third nonsense of the nite...

Earlier on, my bro-beloved Seth, reminded me something... a fact which i was trying to deny myself of... but still... i'm trying hard to find the courage...

Perhaps... the wish to believe a MIRACLE still holds strong inside me. Ok, i know i know... rubbish right??? ... Shouldn't be fooling myself further... Should know better...

I know... i'm aware... only that i still choose to immerse myself in grey probably till i can't breathe anymore then maybe will i pull myself out of it...

It's just stubborness... Plain stubborn. Always choosing n doing things which i know won't turn out the way i want it to be... It's like when u know this bus will take a long detour to ur destination n u are rushing for time, still u will just hop onto the 'forever journey' bus... In simple english... it's stupid.

I was living a rather peaceful life... actually... was enjoying every moment of it till... till...

till the heart began to rule over the mind...

But anyway... i'm okie. Those who know me... will understand that i'm just looking for a place to whine n whane for awhile n that's it. Besides, what have i not seen n experienced yet... hahaha...

The world is simply too big and vast for me to bury deep in my own world n depriving myself, narrowing my mind n thoughts...

Okie... time for me to acompany my 'hammershark'...

Agenda for tomorrow... work, after which i'll head home, pump up the baby's wheels n time for a ride... yeah!!!

Agenda for sunday? Visit my Dad n lotsa housekeeping...

Bloggers

I like to blog. Been doing so since 2002??? Simply a way of letting out...

Though somehow it seems as though u r 'advertising' urself. But i don't really care... it's just the same as public speaking anyway...

& reading other people's blog, u will feel that u r not alone... it's pleasant knowing n heartwarming that u r not alone in a nasty or saddening situation...

& i feel happy, when the bloggers entered joyous stuffs... as though u can almost feel the same as them, sharing of the happiness...

It widens ur world n let u 'see' much because u r reading the blogs all over the globe, not just the local...

Knowing what's happening in other people's everyday lives... knowing that it's actually pretty much the same routine in everywhere... haha... not as if the outside 'world' is always better... LoLx...

Routine = work eat sleep n make merry (youngsters)

work eat sleep n look after children (married with no maids)

work eat sleep n still have to look after children (with maids but maids busy with hsewk)

shopping shopping n more shopping}

}tais-tais

mahjong mahjong n more mahjong }

study study n more study (student)

eat sleep tv n chess (rich elderly)

sloughing out at fast food restaurant (elderly who are alone)

** there are still many more of the diff routine but... tired of listing out... =p

& when i say not as if the outside world is always better, it's because... because of the security here...

We simply can't have the best of both worlds, can we???

Though i would love to be given a chance to have a stay in other countries... to explore the culture n the lifestyle... to have a different taste...

Yet i love the security here... not worrying even though i'm alone in the street late at nite... well, almost lar...

I longed to be in a place where no one knows me, recognise me... so that i can be 'free'...

Not feel inhibited... able to have a fresh start... not that i hate it here... just dislike... haha...

I dislike the way people project themselves here in this very country i was born n bred...

I dislike the typical 'syndromes' of a Singaporean...

I dislike the rules of the governments excepting those that make it such a safer place to live in...

I dislike the education here though it still ranks one of the best in South East Asia... but here, it's only SEA zone u r talking about here anyway...

I dislike the 'majority' of the parents here... not giving enough respect for the kids here or either living them to 'die' on their own...

I dislike the laws here that ban even the chewing gums.... who the helll think of that anyway???

I dislike the 'naked is against the law' here... especially at the beaches...

I dislike the 'prices' here... everything is so Xxxx...

Yet i like the safety provided by this country...

I like the efficiency of the public transport... (only the mrt bah...)

I like the .... gosh... none that i can think of already... haha...

Anyway i don't have much of a choice here... can't think of a reason to desert my family n friends here...

Maybe ... just maybe... that one fine day... when i'm truly 'free', i'll just hop to another country where i'll find a new belonging... n never never come back... Hmm... i'm waiting for a miracle to happen...

Passion

Hands up for those who have been living their lives the way they want it. Doing whatever that they truly love. Having great passion n looking forward to each brand new day.

I would regard those who dare to raise their hands up will either be they are easily contented with their lives, accepting the real world, simply cherishing every little things around them or that they simply manage to acomplish their goals n aims...

The rest, which are the majority of people all around, who falls into the easily grumpy zone, always complaining lots. They'll be the ones who are brushing off the saying, lamanting it's impossible. It's hard to live the life of a true goal n dream.

Is it really that difficult? Hard to attain?

Perhaps not... if we dream within our limits... aim within our boundaries...

It's definitely impossible to dream to be a gold medal swimmer when we can't even float, don't we? Hence, we ought to aim to float first, shouldn't we? Isn't it easier n better to dream in this manner???...

& to live each other as a brand new day, but not a copy of yesterday isn't that hard too, rite?

It ain't that tough simply to feel happy each day... embracing all the goodness in this world. As much as there are much misfortunes n disasters happening around... yet... i strongly believe that there are still lots of things for us to feel happy about.

Or perhaps to my standard bah...

When i feel sad or moody which i'm trying hard to control... not let my mood be affected by the nasty incidents around me, i think of the worse... To make me reflect on myself that why am i feeling so worse when there are others who are in worse situation than i am n yet still making merry around...

Now and then, i often remind myself, it's good to be alive. It is.

Meaningful

*Happiness begins in letting go n acceptances. Love is not a confinement but a freedom of choice.*

I love this sentence by my bro.

6 September 2005

Muscle aching from the exercise yesterday... can feel the weight n pulling on my arms, my butt, yet not my thighs... Hmmm... Well, at least some results. =p Pants didn't feel as tight as before. LoLx... =)

The last i exercised was on sat, n i'm keeping my words that i'll try to exercise at least every alternate days & i'm doing so. *Happy* *wink* *wink* =)

Been slowly changing my lifestyle into a more healthy n enriching one. Though the very first thing i ought to do is to cut down on my cig... but hey, those are my oxygen le... haha excuses...

It's gona b a very tiring day for me today... working straight for more than 12 hrs. It's okie. =) time will pass by faster.

& i've been getting myself a morning dose of 'Straits Times' lately, remembering i used to read everyday, including sunday. Yet since my previous job denied me of the time, i've been like a mountain tortoise till now. =)

Just realised that exercising n reading keeps me sane... haha

Vulnerable

With the episodes of typhoons, hurricanes... it no doubt cast on a grey cloud over me. It simply just aids to the sadness that uncontollably overwhelmed me.
Lives are just so fragile. Yet, we still often take things for granted.
Ain't it all the more, we should treasure everything around us?
Our family, our friends n even our colleagues. Yes, including the ones we detest most.
As simply as it may sound, yet... it's easier said than done & that's for sure.
I'm one of the guilty ones around in fact.
As much as i wish to treat everyone equally but somehow or rather, the expression already shown it very clearly that i do not like that person. And just what if, some misfortune befall on that very person... n that person is the sole breadwinner of the family... just how would u feel???...
Sorry? Unfortunate? Tried as much as u may to help them out? Or simply, it's beyond your control.
Just an example only...

My resolutions... really... really to treat everyone as well as i can, within my limits.

Courage

A round of applause for me please.. thank u all very much. For mustering the courage to probably destroy a otherwise, almost 'nothing-more-to-ask-for' companionship.
But then again, it's my nature not to force. Specially seen n felt so much. Wish not to deceive n be deceived.
Just why do the people always bear with the fact that, oh, she/he ain't that bad... we are used to each other anyway. That kinda stuffs.. blah blah blah.. oh come on, stop the lying game.
If u want to love, love with all ur heart, please...
If u can't love with all ur heart can give... please don't hurt the poor little fella.
I have enough of, 'luv ya...' n the next thingy, she/he disappear without a trace. Or treating u like a spare tire. Always not at the top of the pirority list. Though not hunger for the first position but at least not the one most underneath.
If u do choose to walk the path together with this very person who deem special to u, please make an effort to work things out. To create a beautiful path.
Show ur care n concern. Communicate with each other as much as possible.
If u want ur time to be distributed evenly among all ur other commitments, please make an effort to at least let her/him know that u r not neglecting them.

Anyway, the bottomline is... love because u felt the love. Not because u THINK u can love this person. Or that u r just used to being together.

Post Superstar

Though i didn't get to see the fantastic performance by the superstars last night, a pity, but i'm sOOOOoooo glad that kelvin got it. Perhaps its really the sympathy votes that raised everything but he REALY can sing.
& his voice CAN really touch ur heart.
The very first time i heard him sang, tears flowed. Apart from being influenced by the thought that he's a handicapped i suppose, another was he sang great. It's being filled up with so much feelings n love.
I'll love to hear him sing again. Of which might take a long long time man. U see, usually the winner always... always will submerged into cold palace not long after. It's always this case for whatever contests out there. Don't u think so?

I wish i can sing too... but nah... i can't... coz i have no feelings. A person without feelings usually can't sing well. The song will turn out disasterous. Hahaha...



& i adore people who can sing well. He is one of them. =>

& i adore him so much so much...

Maybe because he's so athletic... he's plays soccer, badminton, pool, golf, volleyball, & he cycles n blades too... n he loves his fishing sooo.... much... & i have been waiting for my merman since... can't even remember when... haiz... but he never realises that the merman i'm waiting for is him. *WOLS* fella


Tons n tons of Q always running about inside my head... my brain... criss-crossing here n there...
Creating knots here n there... n will he have the answer for them?..

I'm still wondering... thinking... trying to figure out... what will be the path like... for both of us.
It's complicated enough though... can't even be sure when i'll be truly free... Tentatively, well... before i turn 30. Hahahaha.... n i'll b so old... ohh dear...